SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Shocking, I know.

Lindsay Lohan was arrested at 2:15AM this morning for driving under the influence of alcohol, driving on a suspended license and possession of cocaine after Santa Monica Police pulled her over for chasing a Cadillac Escalade.

Lindsay failed a breathalyzer test, registering a blood alcohol level of between 0.12 and 0.13 (The acceptable limit is 0.08).

She was reportedly taken to be booked and released on paying bail of $25000.

…

But how could this be? She was wearing an alcohol monitoring bracelet! A bl**dy alcohol monitoring bracelet! She even told everyone. She pointed to it and everything!

Still though, it proves one thing… If you want to change your life, you have to change it yourself. Others can’t do it for you. Except me. I CAN change your life. Just tell me where you want to meet and I’ll bring my knife… to stab you, in case you don’t get it. That WILL change your life. Or end it. Whatever. Tomayto, Tomato.

No Comments Yet »

Catherine Zeta-Jones has been known for being a bit demanding on set, but the actress claims that no-one sees her as she really is: a misunderstood starlet. Ok well, she didn’t say that exactly, but you get the idea.

“There is a much shyer quality to me that people don’t usually see. I get perceived as ‘Here comes the showgirl’, when in fact I have my insecurities. I’m a lot more reserved than I let on.”

Ummm, someone should explain what reserved means to her. Either you are reserved and shy or you aren’t. You can’t pretend to be one and claim you’re the other. That’s like me saying I’m stupid and then bringing straight A’s home. Yes, I do that, it pisses everyone off.

See Catherine? You’re pissing everyone off! Learn from me.

No Comments Yet »

Britney Spears is reportedly pregnant…again. Except this time she doesn’t know who the father is.

A source claims:

“She’s been secretly filling her pals in on the good news since last week.’

‘Britney is in shock herself, this definitely wasn’t planned.’

‘She’s thrilled just the same.”

There’s two candidates for her baby’s daddy…one is drug counselor John Sundahl and other is bodyguard Daimon Shippen. I don’t know which is better, a child with a natural affinity to despise drugs or a kid who can kill you with his bare hands. That’s what bodyguards do, right?

No Comments Yet »

When they stop being anorexic and start eating real foods…like donuts.

Singer Christina Aguilera is still fueling pregnancy rumours by making a pit-stop at a Krispy Creme outlet in Brisbane, Australia. Her husband reportedly went in and got her a box of mixed donuts.

Mmmm, dunuts…mmmm, mixed donuts…mmmm, Jordan Bratman…wait, what? EWWWW!

No Comments Yet »

Lindsay Lohan has been dumped by her on/off boyfriend Callum Best… because he doesn’t like her being sober.

A source told Britain’s Daily Star newspaper:

“Calum called Lindsay last week and said he was finding her post-rehab existence dull and that he didn’t want to give up partying.

“He loves Lindsay but he’s simply not in the same place anymore.”

I’d guess this is another one of Lindsay’s tricks. “Oh look guys, I’m nor drinking, my boyfriend dumped me because I don’t drink”. This is obviously said in a slurred voice while vomiting all over herself. Obviously.

No Comments Yet »

As Transformers hits theaters this month, for once, people actually care about what the actors and actresses in the movie say. That is, until the movie comes out on DVD, then we’ll just skip all the commentary and interviews because no-one cares…again.

Megan Fox, who stars in the movie is quite impressed by co-star Shia LaBeouf’s talents…ahem, orally.

“Shia is the best kisser ever. Really, it’s true!”

Ummm, I’m happy for you? Yeah, what’s the point of saying that? The girl is dating some other dute…actors are weird. Even though some are cute…they’re just weird.

No Comments Yet »

Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend Jessica Beil says that she loves dating a bad boy, because there’s always a chance that he’d cheat on you. Apparently she also likes to be tied up, peed on and have her heart ripped out through her throat…same thing, right?

“There’s something about being with a guy who could cheat on you. It’s pretty exciting.”

Firstly, is she talking about JT, because the guy is as far from a bad boy as you can get. Secondly, what’s wrong with you?! Does she honestly expect us to believe that your partner not being loyal to you is funny and exciting? Seriously chick, you need help.

No Comments Yet »

How weird, the rest of us use chocolate to dim the pain when someone break’s our heart, but Jennifer Aniston apparently feels better by twisting her body and breathing deeply. Oh well, whatever works for you.

Jen was completely devestated when her marriage to Brad Pitt fell apart (and who wouldn’t be? The guy was that hot!) and felt that the only way to let out her anguish was to cry to Alicia Keys and meditate. She says it was better than therapy. Well, chocolate is good to…excpet it makes you fat…so maybe Jen is on to something here.

Guy breaks your heart + yoga = looking so good that he’ll be regretting it for the rest of his life.

On the other hand, she was up against Angelina Jolie…I thing chances of guilt-trips by Brad are considerably lower.

No Comments Yet »

After losing my mind and sticking up for Paris Hilton in the last post, I’m back to criticizing the whores, like every blogger should!

Down with the whores!

So… Lindsay Lohan allegedly amused herself in rehab by walking around naked, to shock male patients and staff.

She was reportedly overheard bragging about her nude exploits at Allegra Versace’s birthday party to her friends.

A source told the National Enquirer (That bastion of honesty),

“Lindsay was howling with laughter as she told all her friends, including Bruce Willis’ daughter Rumer. They were all giggling too and their eyes were popping out.

“Lindsay said, ‘I drove them all mad wandering around completely naked. They kept telling me to quit, but it was so much fun to tease all those boys. I just couldn’t stop it!’ “

Classy.

Although I assume what she meant was that she walked around naked with a sign around her neck which said, “I’m the chick from Mean Girls” and the counselors pointed to her and said to the patients, “That’s what alcohol does to your body”.

No Comments Yet »

Hilton, that is. Not the city… with their unshaven armpits, poofy accents and relaxed lifestyle… get stressed you Jackasses!!

Anyway.

Silverman said she regretted making fun of Paris at the MTV Movie awards after watching Hilton squirming in her seat during the footage of the event.

Silverman says,

“I thought, ‘She’s got to know there’s going to be a joke about her,’ so I went for it. But then I looked down and saw a man in her face with a camera.

“I was there to be funny and I was, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel bad about it.”

… She thinks she was funny?

No, Ms. Silverman, you were NOT funny. You have never BEEN funny, and judging by your career graph you will never BE funny.

Add to it that no one even knew who Sarah Silverman was post MTV event, and… wait who are we talking about again?

No Comments Yet »