SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Not like it’s particularly exciting news, no-one was particularly aware that Jennifer Aniston was even dating the British model, but I suppose she was. Now they are broken up and still no-one cares.

A source close to Jen says:

“There was chemistry, but the truth is that Jen wants to settle down with a reliable man and start a family.

Paul travels a lot and is constantly surrounded by beautiful women. They remain friends, but are just in difference places”

Yeah, the guy’s name was Paul Sculfor, if you didn’t get it, yeah, he’s not very cute though I do like the pic above. Kudos to the person I stole it from.

You know that your life must really suck when you have to ask Kevin Federline’s permission to leave the state. Britney Spears reportedly took off with her two sons to Las Vegas, without informing Kevin though and as soon as he heard, he ordered Britney back.

The singer didn’t have the most fun in Las Vegas though, because not only did she lose at blackjack, she was rejected by a hooker and her bodyguard got into a fight. I will leave you to work out which one of those three statements are true. Britney has checked out of her hotel and is probably back on her way to Los Angeles now to answer to Kevin. The world is a sad, sad place.

Actress Naomi Watts reportedly gave birth to a baby early yesterday morning, a week earlier than expected. The sex of the baby hasn’t been announced, but I guess it’s a boy. Ok, I read that somewhere, but whatever, I could be psychic!

While the mom recovers and before she sends the kid off with a nanny, it’s reported that she’s bee given the role of Narcissa Malfoy in the next Harry Potter movie. Wow, I didn’t know Naomi Watts was British…

I don’t know how well she’ll do in that role though, because isn’t Narcissa supposed to be stuck-up and haughty. Yes, I read too much Harry Potter. OMG! I’m such a freak!

Animal Rights activists are up in arms because Paris Hilton bought another chihuahua. The problem isn’t really that she bought the dog, the problem is that she treats dogs like an accessory…totally not cool.

But it’s not like they can do anything about it; Paris, Britney Spears (who’s probably trying to fill the hole in her heart) and Fred Durst (that ugly guy from Limp Bizkit) have all recently bought dogs from the Bel Air pet-store.

But maybe Paris has changed, since she’s committed herself to saving the world. The socialite even promised to stop using her SUV and switch to a Ford, which is alot more environmentally friendly. Ford were so excited by this announcement that they peed on themselves and then gave Paris a free Ford Hybrid. Idiots…why didn’t they make her pay for it?! It’s not like she didn’t have the money. Is that any way to run a business?

Actress and Singer Hilary Duff is apparently done with the single life for now, as she’s been seen with Canadian hockey player Mike Comrie. They were seen in Santa Monica snapped leaving a restaurant…who’s name is way to long and foreign to type. They then drove off in his car.

Yup, and that’s all the news that I could find about them. Hilary’s kinda boring. She’s cute and clean, but boring. The dude is 26, which makes him…ummm, 7 years older than her. You see, I can do math!

Actress Megan Fox, even though she’s engaged is totally baffled by why men are intimidated by her. She probably thinks she’s friendly and approachable, even though she looks scary as hell.

“I don’t get approached, I get drive-bys! People will drive past my car and scream at me: ‘I’ll buy you an airplane if you give me your phone number!’ Things like that happen, but nobody will come up and ask me for my number.”

And totally unrelated, Megan talks about how it’s unfair that actors can have as many tattoos as they want but actresses get flak for it.

“It is an oddity to have as many tattoos as I have and to be a girl, but it’s unfair. I mean, Ewan MCGregor has a half-sleeve and nobody says anything about that, right?”

I’m sure I’m wrong, but maybe her tattoos make her scary. I mean, a girl willingly inflicting pain on herself…who knows who else she might want to inflict pain on to.

Jessica Biel, who was recently voted number one in Stuff magazine’s 100 Sexiest Women 2007 says she refuses to strip on screen.

The actress says,

“Im sure I’ve lost some roles because I don’t do it. The other day I read a script that required some nudity, something topless. It’s probably going to be a great movie but I just don’t want to do it.”

They all say that. Than their career starts fading, and in a final gulp for life-giving fame, they go nude in some film in the name of “art”. The film still flops however and they spiral into depression…

At least that’s how I see it… I’ve been waiting 3 years for Jessica Alba… So what if I haven’t put on pants for 3 years? It’s gonna happen people!

It has too…

Yesterday Lindsay Lohan, told the press that she was innocent of all the things that were attributed to her (I mean the drunk driving and the cocaine… I suppose she can’t deny being a whore).

She said,

“Yes. I am innocent… did not do drugs they’re not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy.”

Today her uncle tells us,

“She [Lindsay] may well have not been driving the car. This girl and her mother are letting Lindsay take the fall, but hopefully the truth will come out! That would get rid of most of the charges.”

You know, it’s terrible when the whole world is out to destroy a talent like Lindsay Lohan. Obviously she’s innocent! Didn’t you see her in the Parent Trap?

You can’t fake that man, you just can’t!

You know what else is a terrible thing? Sarcasm.

Say what you mean, man! Say what you mean!

Update: Dina Lohan, Lindsay’s mother, has stepped up to the plate to try and do some damage control…she just ended up sounding stupid.

A family friend says:

Lindsay was having a get-together at her home. Several people say she wasn’t drinking, that she didn’t even have a drink, but at a certain point in the night, apparently, she fell off the wagon and did start drinking.

When assistant TARIN GRAHAM walked into the house and looked disheveled with teary red eyes, Lindsay was concerned that something happened to her.

There was some sort of altercation. Tarin either quit or Lindsay fired her. Tarin left and Lindsay followed her.

There were definitely two people in the car with Lindsay that night.

Tarin’s mother apparently made a police call because she was afraid someone was chasing her.

Right now, we don’t know who may have been chasing her. It could have been paparazzi.

When the cops arrived, there were so many people in the parking lot that they automatically zoomed in on Lindsay. Apparently the altercation took place at about 1:30 a.m.

Lindsay was strong-armed into taking a breathalyzer test. They say the cocaine was not Lindsay’s; she was wearing someone else’s pants.

Dina got a call from Lindsay at about 5 a.m. and she was talking so fast Dina couldn’t even understand what she was saying … she was just like, ‘Mommy, mommy, mommy,’ and very upset in the conversation.

Wow, Lindsay is innocent. Yes, I believe her. This explanation is totally believable…I mean, of course Lindsay was holding drugs for someone else. That’s just what good people do!

During Beyonce’s concert yesterday, it seems she had a bit of a slip up… umm… literally… all over her face down the stairs type.

While “dancing” down a flight of stair she stumbled over her trench coat and rolled down 12 stairs… then she got up and carried on “dancing”.

At the end of the show, she asked her fans to not post any videos of the incident on youtube. So obviously it showed up about an hour later. Although it seems that daddy wants the video taken down… or I would’ve posted it.

She deserves it for wearing a trench coat. Trench coats are only good for looking like Neo and for flashing.

I thought I’d add another spin to this story…

So the guy who made millions of other guys jealous as well as giving them hope that they too could end up with an internationally acclaimed hottie, is single.

It’s reported that Jessica Alba has broken up with long time boyfriend, Cash Warren.

Us Magazine says:

After two-and-a-half years together, Jessica Alba and Cash Warren have split. The 26-year-old actress broke up with Warren, a 28-year-old producer, last week over the phone, sources tell Usmagazine.com.
Sources tell Us that Alba, who was abroad over the weekend promoting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, called Warren on July 22 and told him, “I’m not in love with you anymore.”
Within hours, Alba had dispatched an assistant to the L.A. home they shared to pack up Warren’s belongings and move him out.

Harsh but fair.

The guys been enjoying Jessica Alba for two and a half years longer than he should have, while I’ve been using my porn collection for two and a half years longer than I should’ve been.

I mean a January 2005 Playboy can only last so long.