SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Yesterday at a concert, country singer, Faith Hill got peeved at a fan who decided to cup her (Faith Hill’s) husband’s… ummm… balls. (I don’t like saying it… it’s dirty). Hill was incensed when she saw the incident and screamed from the stage,

"Somebody needs to teach you some class, my friend. You don’t go grabbin’ somebody else’s — somebody’s husband’s balls, you understand me? That’s very disrespectful.”

I hate to break it to her... but since when did it become disrespectful to grab someone’s balls? I do it all the time! Sure sometimes I get punched in the face, and maybe sometimes I get pushed down and peed on. But I think it’s because they don’t know how to show their appreciation in any other way.

Kate Moss' former boyfriend, rocker Pete Doherty reveals he wants her back. The troubled Babyshambles rocker, who recently had another anti-heroin implant fitted to help him beat drugs, says Kate is a jealous "nasty old rag" but he still loves her. He says,

"Kate has broken my heart. There's been this lockdown and I can't get hold of her. This is the only way I can get through. I'm here to tell her that I love her. Kate is both jealous and suspicious. She is a nasty old rag and she kicked me in the head. But I love her because of the things she does in bed and because she is a multi-millionaire! When she finished our relationship in a blazing row I decided never ever am I going to go through that again."

And people wonder why Kate Moss fell for him? It's now blindingly clear that it was due to his charm and magnetism. And what a way to win her back! By calling her an old rag! If that doesn't work than he should try punching her in the groin, that'll definitely seal the deal! ... (But if it doesn't he can chuck her into a burning house... Aaah! Romance)

At least the Malaysian ones do... Or at least some of the Malaysian ones do... Or at least some nutter releasing statements does... Reports today, say that Gwen Stefani could be forced to cancel her show in Malaysia, after a Muslim group branded her "obscene" and "indecent" Mohamad Hilmi Ramli, of the National Union of Malaysian Muslim Students said:

"Her video clips promoting the event are too obscene. We want the organisers to cancel the concert, failing which we will ask the authorities to intervene."

I always find it funny when these religious sorts act like they're castrated, with their high and mighty, "God hates you but loves me" quotes and their fiery speeches... Before they rush home to their massive porno collections (Or Gwen Stefani music videos) and make some knuckle babies. Good times.

Former Sheffield United manager Neil Warnock gave an account of what forced him to resign after Sheffield United were relegated from the Premier League at the end of last season. And it had something to do with the guy who died in the Lord of the Rings... not him per se, but the actor who played him... y'know...Sean Bean. He says,

"I got back to my office and my best mate, Paul Evans, was waiting for me. My wife Sharon, and the kids Amy and William were there, too. Sharon had been crying and the kids knew why she was so upset. It wasn’t just the football. Not just because of the result. Twenty minutes or so after the game had ended, Sharon and William were sitting in my office when the film actor, Sean Bean, who is a Sheffield United board director, burst in with his girlfriend He was obviously the worse for wear. He wanted to know where I was. Sharon told him I was doing a Press conference and I’d be back soon. So Sean Bean started swearing at her and my five-year-old son. ‘It’s your f****** husband that got us relegated,’ he said, pointing at her. ‘He’s a f****** w*****’. That’s Sean Bean, the tough guy actor. Some kind of tough guy, eh, reducing a five-year-old kid and his mum to tears. If that incident hadn’t happened maybe I’d still be Sheffield United manager today. But it made me realise what certain people at the club were saying about me behind my back."

As much as I'd like to believe Warnock (and believe me, I would. That guy in the Lord of the Rings was a c***... Boromir, not the real guy... Sean Bean or whatever his name is), I think I give more credence to the fact that Warnock is the most whiny guy in England. Neil, I'll be honest with you. The reason you're not Sheffield United manager today, is because... well... you kinda suck. And then to try and excuse your suckiness you make up crap excuses at the end of each match... Seriously, if Warnock can't get a job as a manager in the near future, maybe he can apply to become the "excuse-maker" or whatever, for Lindsay Lohan.

Jessica Alba's former lo-ver Cash Warren was allegedly dumped because he wasn't ready to get married. Jessica wanted to settle down with the man she loved, but Cash was more interested in being her lo-ver. An insider says,

"He wasn't ready for marriage, and Jessica is. It's simple as that. It's kind of cold that the press is saying she was just finished with him, because it isn't like that. Seeing Eva get married made Jessica wistful. That was the reason Jessica seemed to be in a terrible mood in Paris."

Obviously he wasn't going to marry her. What with him being such a stud and all. I mean... chicks dig a guy with money... and this guy makes like $3.50... an hour! That's almost $1500 every month! I hear sometimes when he brings actors their drinks, they even tip him! God, Jessica must be crying into her pillow right now...

Many of us were expecting Paris Hilton to make loads of money selling...ummm... whatever it is she sells, to the American public. However, it seems that instead of making money, Hilton has lost a shed load. Around 60 million dollars to be (kinda) precise. According to News,

“He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied by Paris,” says Jerry Oppenheimer, who wrote a biography of the clan called House Of Hilton. “He now doesn’t want to leave unearned wealth to his family.” Hilton senior, the only member of the family left with a sizeable stake in the huge hotel chain, has let it be known that he intends to donate to charity the $2.4bn he will gain from this month’s sale of the company to private equity firm Blackstone.

Is Paris Hilton still famous now? As in, am I still supposed to be writing about her? Because she's always been that "heiress chick"... and now she's just a chick... with a beaky nose... and one and a half eyes... and contact lenses... Who am I talking about again? Paris Hilton or that girl from the coffee house? NOTE: Bad news, according to analysts Hilton (the one with the dead eye) is set to quadruple her 4.1 million Dollar fortune... God... why do you taunt me so?