SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Ok, so everything looks the same, but we have some good news! We will be bringing you more regular crap throughout the week, any day, any time.

At this time I would like to thank everyone who helped make SoggyCornflakes the mediocre crap that it is. Mum, Dad, I love you! Thank you also to my friends who read this and then lie to me and tell me how creative I am. You’ll are useless liars but I appreciate the gesture. Thank you to my hamster Sniffy for dying, because if you hadn’t, I’d still be cleaning your cage you little monster and thanks most of all to all our readers. You guys rock!

-Tigger-

Kelly Brook’s boyfriend and sometime actor, Billy Zane says that he can’t stand to be away from his fiance for more than two weeks.

He says,

“We don’t allow long separations from each other. We try to keep a two week rule. One will travel to the other and take turns. Absence can make the heart grow fonder, certainly, but you can’t fall into the trap of spending too much time apart.”

Love my ass! Billy Zane is batting so far out of his league that he knows that even a bimbo like Kelly Brook will realise after two weeks how much better she is than him. The only thing he’s famous for is his role in Pocahontas II. What a gripping epic that was. Baldy.

Note: I hope you didn’t notice my bitterness

Britney Spear’s hopes of a comeback seem to be getting further and further away when it was discovered that Britney was lip-synching at her mini-tour in Orlando, Florida. Knowing Britney, she wouldn’t have been very convincing in the first place, but when the track she was using started skipping (cheap CDs) than it became apparent that Britney was just trying to suck off her old voice and fame, sucking out every last minuscule microscopic fragment of talent that she had left like a Bambi suckling from the teat of his dead, dead, DEAD mum.

Um, Disney rocks!

Britney carried on trying to fake it though by turning away from the audience, and reviews of the show were positive. Which just goes to show…American’s are flippin’ stupid. No offence…well, yes, I am trying to offend you.

Enrique has a little bell,
it just didn’t match up
Enrique liked to humiliate himself
maybe he should use a cup.

Jeez, my rhyming sucks…Read this to know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t really wanna write about it here. But for your info, I don’t see why this is a big shock…this was in the news years ago!

Loads of women have mentioned this before, but pop star Natasha Bedingfield is the latest to announce that British men are more scared to approach a women while American guys are in your face.

“Guys in America are a bit more forward than in England. You can be out, food shopping, and guys will just come up to you and go, ‘I just have to ask, will you go out with me?’ and I’m like, ‘Erm, no!’

“Here (in the Uk), the guy has to be pissed before he can ask you. That’s why I can do the asking. I’ve never been a person who gives out their number on the street.”

You know what happens when guys ask me out and I reject them? Well…nothing, they move on, I move on. There are many fish in the sea and guys online. Yes, I’m not afraid to admit it, I talk to guys online. Most of them aren’t bad. Some of them are really great!

So no-one must think he is! Because he’s not! Mick Jagger will never be cheap! Yeah, I think I forgot my point.

Oh wait, I remembered. Mick Jagger is not amused by ex-wife Jerry Hall saying that he was a cheap-ass who didn’t pay for things.

Hall had said Jagger “always wanted me to pay everything to do with the house and the children, which I didn’t mind, I guess, because I had the money”. Jagger responded: “I find her remarks absurd.”

“I have always paid all expenses for the children as well as the lion’s share of the costs relating to her lifestyle, and been more than happy to do so.”

And hey, guess what? No-one cares! Moving on!

You know, I hadn’t heard anything about Nicole Richie for a while now…I though she had died of starvation or something. But people who die from anorexia do not cry when their boyfriend dumps them…the just go POOF and disappear in a cloud of dust.

Apparently, Nicole is alive and kicking and appears again after being dumped by boyfriend Joel Madden of Good Charlotte when he declared her as too clingy and dumped her at the MTV Movie Awards after-party.

A source told the Daily Star: “Joel was acting like a single man at the awards party and they openly argued. Nicole was in tears at one stage.”

I don’t know whether to feel sorry for her or laugh…I think I’ll laugh. Hehe…he? It’s just not funny enough. I give up, I’m going to sleep. Sweet dreams people.

Here’s me again, I told you I’d be back…you didn’t believe me, but I have returned!

Orlando Bloom, the hottie that he is, has blamed Hollywood for the breakup between him and ex-girlfriend Kate Bosworth, but he insists that they still get together for casual make-outs…um, I mean, they’re still good friends.

“We’re still very good friends. But there’s been no denying that it had been a difficult year for us both.

“Kate was on one side of the world, in Australia shooting Superman, and I was on the other, in the Bahamas for Pirates. So we tried giving each other a little bit of time out. And well, there were difficulties. There are in any relationship.

“In our case, it was extremely unfortunate that everything was on public display. I have always tried to keep my cards close to my chest - while wearing my heart on my sleeve - but it is a really hard thing to do.”

Um, I’m sorry Orlando. If you want privacy, I’m here…just joking…except I’m not really.

I’m so sorry about the lack of posts for the last two days…We got kidnapped by Aliens…I mean, our ISP screwed us…yeah, thats what they told us to tell you. Anyways, we’ll be updating the whole day to make up for it and there will be updates tomorrow too, so yay for SoggyCornflakes!!!

So, Eva Longoria is pissing everyone off because she can’t make up her mind on her wedding details, and the organisers are annoyed that she keeps changing the flowers and having alterations on her dress every few days.

A source said: “The wedding is still very much on, but Eva is creating a lot of work for everyone.

“She changed the flowers three times and her dress has been altered a couple of times.

“Then there’s the guest list, which is constantly under revision. I think everyone involved will be glad when Eva finally ties the knot.”

Eva also felt the need to inform everyone that they’re still having sex before the wedding. Yeah, like I really needed to know that.

Do I care? Not really, I have bigger things to worry about, like getting my essay done on time. I hate varsity!

Wow, we all knew Britney Spears is borderline retarded, but I guess she felt some affection for her family but we’ve all been proved wrong.

It’s like she’s making sure that when she dies (which will be soon by the way she’s going) she will have no people to mourn her. Even her kids will blow spit-bubbles on her coffin. I’m sure you’ve read about her saying that her father doesn’t know what he’s talking about when she fired her agent, but now she’s turned on her mother…and just before Mother’s day, isn’t that oh so sweet?

She blames Lynne for sending her into rehab (while she is still maintaining that she never needed it, because she is perfectly normal) and in her anger, has completely cut of ties with her dear mum. She didn’t bother to even wish her on her birthday and when the unfortunate Lynne was in hospital on Mother’s Day, diagnosed with pneumonia, Brit didn’t even bother to visit.

Jeez, Britney is like this insane little brat. You know, maybe not all mums are the best (but mines is the greatest, love you Mum!) but this is just dishpikable, as Daffy would say. I’m sorry, but I can’t condone this, hope you choke on that pig you’re eating Britney.