SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

I’m sure all of you wondering how Britney is planning to writer a book when she’s illiterate…I think she’s going to narrate it to someone, who’ll have to edit out the parts where she laughs hysterically or flashes the writer. But anyways, the “Toxic” singer is “writing” a tell-all book about her experiences and about all the people who are out to get her/take advantage of her fame/who she can blame for everything that’s gone wrong in her life. Some targets of hers are ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake, whom she insists destroyed her self-esteem by cheating on her and declaring she was too fat to sleep with. She also targets her husband, saying that she was heartbroken and attempted suicide when she learned that he had married her for her fame and money. Her parents also get blamed with her mom being described “the stage mom from hell”. Oh man, I have no words…I mean, we all know Britney is a dumbass…but this is just taking it too far. It’s like Britney’s become a parody of herself and instead of acting like a mother-of-two, she’s morphed in Bozo the clown.

The Spiderman 3 villain (playing the Sandman in the next installment of the franchise) is hoping to marry his girlfriend of 5 years Mia Zittoli, who is a former porn star. He doesn’t have a problem with her past however and says: “That’s all in the past. Good life partners are well-balanced, dynamic intellectually and romantically. I hope the wedding will be sooner rather than later.” Yeah whatever Tom. Haven’t you watched The Girl Next Door or Guru? Dirty old men everywhere will be trying to picture where they know your wife from…and you’ll probably grin and tell them and their girlfriends that they watched your wife in a porno. Talk about payback.

I can't believe I'm writing this, but Paris Hilton does have a reason for living. She is showing teens and young people the dangers of drinking, but in case you though Paris had gotten a conscience and was doing it willingly, you're wrong. Capla Kesting Fine Art has made a sculpture of a dead Paris, along with Tinkerbell, her chihuahua to show teens the devastating effect of underage drinking.

The display, which also features a very creepy looking Tinkerbell, Hilton's forlorn pet Chihuahua wearing a matching tiara and climbing over Hilton’s breast, will be unveiled in the trendy Williamsburg, Brooklyn, neighborhood, which is a favourite hangout place for prom-oers. "Campaign to Rescue Women of Youth" featuring "The Paris Hilton Autopsy" features Hilton’s internals, which include her smallintestines, and other elements. These body parts are removable in order to assist teens with an empathetic view of drunk driving tragedy from the coroner’s perspective. The sculpture was created to counter “the disturbingly glamourized trend of Hollywood’s ‘girls gone wild,’” according to gallery director David Kesting.

This is great, Paris Hilton now has a reason to exist, instead of being the waste of oxygen as she is. I have a question for you all: Tigger is to drop-dead gorgeous as Paris Hilton is to a) stupid, b) whore, c) anorexic whore or d) all of the above?

We've all heard the stories, seen the pictures and listened to the hysterical wails coming from Tom Cruise's house. Despite all this, some people still seem in denial that he isn't trying to brainwash Katie Holmes into accepting his f***ed up cult. Actress Jenna Elfman says that

"Honestly, do you have a great boyfriend or girlfriend? It's not a big deal, right? You have fun hanging out, and you like talking and sharing your ideas. It's exciting. That's their relationship."

I would like to point out that she is a fellow Scientologist, so no-one believes her. She's lucky that people don't kick her down and pee on her, because that's what I do with people who believe in overlords and think that midget actors are saviors of their cult.

Basically, it boils down to the fact that he's a lonely man old man.

Actress/singer MARIANNE FAITHFULL believes SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY married HEATHER MILLS because he was lonely following the death of his first wife Linda. The British star claims the reason behind the former Beatle's quick marriage to model Mills was because he did not want to grow old alone. She says, "He's going through such a terrible time. It's hard to imagine how he got himself into his current mess. "He wasn't used to sleeping alone. He missed Linda. Poor Paul."

There are better ways of staving off loneliness out there, right? He could have bought some cats...or a monkey...those are always entertaining. Let's just all sympathise for poor rich Paul McCartney, who will be alot less richer once he pays up the divorce settlement. Awww, poor Paul.

Apparently the gorgeous creature is obsessed with Sandra Bullock and attempted to run over her husband Jesse James...Sandra's husband, not hers.

Marcia Diana Valentine, 45, of Huntington Beach tried to run over Jesse James, host of "Monster Garage," with her silver Mercedes after Bullock asked her to leave the couple's home Sunday, Jim Amormino, an Orange County sheriff's spokesman, said Thursday. "She jumped in the car, put it in reverse and accelerated in his direction," Amormino said. "She attempted to hit him three or four times."

That's hot, as Paris would say. I mean, what better way to get attention than to try and run people over? That's just one step away from jumping on celebrities cars and screaming "Love Me!!!". Then when they refuse you throw your smoothie at them and run away laughing maniacally...or you could just blow yourselves up, another surefire way of getting attention.

Hugh Grant apparently wants to be like Naomi Campbell, but I think he's missing the point. She throws cellphones...thats classy. You throw baked-beans...that just makes me laugh. She hits her own staff...you throw things at random stalkerazzi on the street. She does community service, you get arrested. C'mon Mr Grant, get it right!

Photographer Ian Whittaker told the Daily Star tabloid that he and Grant, 46, clashed near the home of the ''Four Weddings and a Funeral'' star. Whittaker said Grant abused and kicked him on Tuesday before lobbing the beans. The paper printed photos of Grant with a plastic tub of food raised over his head.

A Canadian man is now the second guy to promise that he'll kill the 19-year-old actress and singer. Hilary was in Toronto being interviewed by Live @ Much host Leah Miller, when a guy in the crowd outside the studio declared that he would kill Hilary. Policeman tackled the man and banged his head while he yelled "Police brutality...Let me go, I have to kill her! I have to! Bugs Bunny told me to!" Ummm, yeah, you can work out which part of the I made up. Poor Hilary, apparently everone has issues with her. It's like she has a sign on her back that says KILL ME. It's like I have a sign on my back that says "'I'M HOT". Yeah,it wierd, I knwo.

Well, her soulmate and the father of her baby, so that's pretty close to everything, right? Except that Eddie is a moron who insists that Melanie's child can't be his and a blood test should be done first. The actor broke up with the ex-Spice Girls singer after a 6-month relationship and left her pregnant.

"It wasn't a whirlwind romance. I fell so in love with him. I will always love him, there is no question about it."

Poor Melanie...but it doesn't look like he really cared about you. When you love someone, you don't just leave them all knocked-up...beating them is Ok though. God, I talk crap sometimes...

I just thought it was a juvenile revenge to get back at your Ex by writing about them in songs. But apparently, big stars do that too. ContactMusic reports:

Music legend SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY uses the break-up of his marriage to HEATHER MILLS as inspiration for his new album, declaring he is finally happy. The Beatles singer makes references to his estranged wife throughout his album, Memory Almost Full, suggesting he is over the relationship which ended last year (06). In a track entitled Mr Bellamy, MCCartney writes, "No one to tell me what to do, no one to hold my hand. Nobody here to spoil the view, interfere with my plans. I like it up here without you."

Writing about your failed relationships in songs is just one step up from writing about them in your diary or blog. Dear Diary, I hate Heather, she's sooo mean! She's trying to take lots of my money. The poo-poo head. I wish I could shoot her. Love Paul.