SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

R & B Singer Usher has confirmd reports that he's engaged to his long-time girlfriend Tameka Foster after she was seen wearing a diamond ring. Usher has ended the speculation and he's reporting that he'll be married before the end of the year. Not really much to make fun of here, I like Usher. He takes his shirt off...guys who take their shirts off are all right...except Peter Griffin from Family Guy, my eyes burn and I have to spend 2 weeks in therapy when he does that. I really shouldn't watch that show, right? But his laugh is just so sexy...hehehehe. Before I get lost in my Peter fantasy, I just wanna wish usher and Tameka all the best, I'm sure they're reading this -roll eyes- but by wishing them I'm the nicer person.

Slow news day...or maybe I have a psychological need to make fun of Salman Rushdie. He is not a celebrity, he just pisses me off, but I take pleasure in laughing at his misery, so here goes. His fourth wife, Ladma Lakshmi, is leaving him, most likely because she became immune to the drugs and realised what a sad little midget she married. He has frequently been accused of marrying her for her looks, which he has denied, but my question is, what did she marry him for? If I was a cynical person, I'd say for money, but I really believe that he's a clever, sensitive human being and she married him for his charming personality and witty conversation. Oh man, I couldn't even write that witha straight face! Of course the whore married him for his money!

Ok, so I got bored of my last theme and Bomberboy said it looked like a website of Satan worshippers...and since I'm a strictly non-practicing Satanist, I had to change it. I hope you like it, I'm still trying to sort it out, so if you see anything wierd for the next few days, please ignore it. Happy Reading Tigger

Reports suggest that actor Leonardo DiCaprio has proposed to his Israeli girlfriend Bar Refaeli and they are getting married in June. Hey, doesn’t her name sound like Rafael? Leonardo and Rafael, get it? Get it? Huh, do ya? Never mind, it’s obvious that you don’t watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Leonardo is said to have secretly reported to his girlfriend after going with her to Israel to meet her parents and they’re very happy with how he treats their daughter. Well, I guess having Leo as a son-in-law would be any parent’s dream, seeing as how she could have gotten together with a Jew like Jordan Bratman. They’re waiting until June so Bar can turn 22…by the way, what kind of name is Bar? “Hi, I’m Bar…wait, why are you laughing? No, my name really is Bar…will you please get that smirk of your face, No, my middle name is not Chocolate…WOULD YOU STOP LAUGHING?!?...I HATE YOU ALL!” and then she bursts into tears and runs to the bathroom to throw up, because that’s what models with funny names do.

The divorce settlement I mean, because seeing them get back together at this stage would be a travesty. Flippin’ hilarious but so sad, because you know that she’s gonna eat the kids because they look like little piggies while he’s out spending the few million bucks that she has left. But anyways, the two have signed an agreement over everything from money to child custody, though the terms of the settlement have not been released. It’s reported that Kevin will only get about $1 million, which I know he’ll be squandering…ahem, spending in a day. Or maybe he won’t, Britney might be a dumbass but she has a clever lawyer (who drew up the prenup in the first place) and she might just give K-Fed a piece of paper that says “1 million dollars” and he’ll take that, cackle happily and try and exchange it for a McDonalds Happy Meal, supersized…yeah Baby!

Yeah, that’s why her suicide attempt failed, because you can’t suffocate yourself by filling your car with carbon monoxide and then deciding that you should crack a window open because it’s getting a bit stuffy. That won’t ever work Halle, so stop trying. Anyways, actress Halle Berry says that she was so devastated at the end of her marriage to baseball star David Justice that she wanted to commit suicide. Her attempt failed because of the reason above…but Halle has insisted that she’s not a blonde and that she changed her mind in the car because she thought of her mother and the sacrifices her mom had made for her and her siblings. Halle decided to do the brave thing and enter this hell-hole of a world again and give it another chance. Halle just doesn’t seem to get it. You know what you do when you lose a husband? You break open a big slab of Toblerone, stay in bed watching all the mushy romances you want, get it all out of your system…and then go party with your girlfriends wearing your sexiest clothes. There’s nothing like good-natured groping and leering to lift up a girls self-esteem!

In Sheboygan, Wisconsin (pronounced Sheee-boy-bang…or maybe not) singer Michelle Branch had an ardent admirer arrested while she was on-stage. The man was her biggest fan and had been loyally attending all her concerts since 2003. He also sent letters and videos quite often to her and did his best to stay close to Michelle at all public events. Ok, I’m disgusted by this. Michelle is so lucky to have met her #1 Fan and she has him arrested. What kind of publicity stunt is this? The guy adores her! I don’t condone Michelle’s behaviour at all! It’s true that stars like us need some space sometimes, but it’s never too hard to make some room in our hearts for our devoted fans. Look at me for example; I often go to the meetings of the “WE LOVE TIGGER” club…yeah, they’re a great bunch of people, but I’m afraid they mistake me for a bouncy cartoon character sometimes. It’s ok though, I still love them. BIG HUG!!!

So now she's found a manly man boxer dude, British Boxing Champion David Haye. They have become close, after her split with Olivier Martinez and David helped her train for her recent tour.

A source said: "David has been there for her 100 per cent and he now views her as one of his closest female friends." "He has taken her out and cheered her up when she has been feeling down," the source said.

That's sweet, all girls need a friend like that, who can cheer them up and are always there for them (Editor's Note: Thank you M :-D). So all the best to Kylie, hope it works out with this guy. Olivier always seemed like a dodgy guy...after all, he's French, and they're frogs! And the British always win over the French... I think.

Actress Anne Hathaway (same as William Shakespeares wife) says that there's always immense competition for roles in Hollywood as she and other actresses her age such as Scarlett Johansson and Kiera Knightly compete for the same kind of roles.

"There are so many girls in Hollywood and we all look exactly the same. We all have the same experiences going into the industry. There are very few great parts to go around, so we all try to get them. There's healthy competition, of course. But afterwards you give your actress friends a hug and say, 'Look forward to the next one.'"

What do these actresses have in common? Beside the fact that they'll bare all for their roles? Umm, I don't know, will anyone please enlighten me? Well, they all acted in Disney movies once upon a time...Anne in Princess Diaries and its sequel, Scarlett in Home Alone 3 (Though that might not be a Disney movie, I'm too lazy to check) and Kiera in Pirates of the Carribean and it's sequels (by the way, I can't wait for the next movie! I can add to my fake DVD collection!)

Because his girlfriend was threatening to leave him if he didn't get help for his sex addiction...wait, alcohol problem. They're about the same thing, right? Except for the sex addiction, you just wanna have sex all the time...and with the alcohol addiction, you can't have any sex at all because you couldn't perform even if you wanted to...ok, come to think of it, those two things are nothing alike. Anyways, Jesse Metcalfe (Desperate Housewives, John Tucker must Die) was persuaded by his girlfriend Nadine Coyle to get help because she couldn't bare to see him doing this to himself :

"Jesse is getting help. I'm just glad he has realised he couldn't go on the way he was. It was hurting me to see him do that to himself. I'm going to be there for him and do all I can to help but at the end of the day, Jesse has to make the decision to stop on his own."

Yeah, I agree with Nadine, doesn't Jesse realise that hot guys like him are so vulnerable when they're drinking? Any girl can look hot after a few drinks, and the same applies to ugly guys. That's why I don't drink, I don't want to be taken advantage of, the world is full of ugly men.