SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Ok, so it doesn't, but I just liked the sound of it. Alliteration rules, Baby! I gota make this quick because I have class just now. A Sports Illustrated party ended up as a health scare when it was revealed that a caterer was positive for hepatitis and may have exposed the stars that attended the bash to Hepatitis A. People who ate uncooked food (gross!) may have been more likely to have been exposed to the virus. Serves them right, who eats raw meat? It's like the richer you are, the more like a caveman you become. Soon celebrities will invent their own language, that consists of grunts and more grunts! There's exclusive classiness right there!

Basically, Daniel Radcliffe should not be allowed to act in any more Harry Potter movies, because he has recently been displaying some very un-Disney behaviour. And by un-Disney, I mean stripping off and pretending to do it with a horse on stage. Sounds like a something I made up, doesn't it? But I didn't! So HAH! Daniel Radcliffe really did do scenes of full-frontal nudity and smoked on stage. Warner Bros and Children groups are freaking out, Daniel Radcliffe, made famous by his role as the boy-Wizard Harry Potter, darling of million of kids all over the world, is now seen to be encouraging all the children that he is a role model to smoke and perform with horses. Ok, maybe not with the horse, but you can never tell with some kids now a days. Just imagine: Mom : Jimmy? Jimmy: I'm in the garden with Spot, Mom! Mom: (Going out into the garden) Oh, thats sweet that you're playi- JIMMY!!! What are you doing!?! Jimmy: Mom, I'm just doing what Harry Potter was doing, except I couldn't find a horse, so I'm using Spot. Mum: Oh Jimmy, please don't do that to Spot, I'll buy you a nice little pony. Jimmy: Ok, Mom (lets go of Spot, and pulls up his shorts) STUDIO AUDIENCE GOES "AWWWWWWWWW" Scary, huh?

Liz Hurley isn't happy with just getting a monkey from Hugh Grant, now she wants wedding guests to bring live animals as wedding gifts for her marraige to Arun Nayar. She says that they'll be starting up the farm-house where they'll be living.

"It's the best thing I've ever done. It's the only place I want to be. When we get our organic status we're going to farm properly and we're going to have a herd of cows and proper sheep and proper chickens, and we're going to have Gloucestershire Old Spot pigs. Arun thought I was joking when he saw me slither into my Wellington boots!"

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wedding presents are usually things like sandwich makers and cappucino machines, you know, things that help you make foods rather than gifts that are food! You might as well give them a huge salami with a cows face painted on it. MOOOOOOO!

Lisa Robertson, an ex-flight attendant thinks that she might be pregnant with the child of actor Ralph Fiennes after an unprotected romp in the lavatory, which resulted in her losing her job. So lets review...they felt horny 50 000 feet in the air and decided to do something about it. Ralph, being a hot-shot actor, got away with it and Robertson, being a sad flight-attendant, who's used to be groped by tipsy flyers, lost her job. That's pretty fair, I think. I mean, money means everything is nice and legal, no matter what they do. Money makes the world go round, baby!

And just when you though Michael Jackson was a nice guy...um, wait, did anyone think that? Nevermind, he's getting sued because he went into a hospital with flu and the staff removed a critically-ill patient to make room for him. Later on, the patient had a heart attack and died...cry me a river! 1st question: Why sue Jacko? It wasn't his fault he got a flu 2nd question: The women was on life support? Don't you think she was going to die anyways? Ag, this is all a publicity stunt. Don't you people get it? Jacko is a poor freak now, he can't pay you with anything except monopoly money!

The sad low-life that is Pete Doherty was once again found doing drugs. A friend took a video of Pete snorting what looked like cocaine and horse tranquilliser. Wow, did anyone know that Pete Doherty took drugs? I'm sure I didn't. I mean, just look at him, he looks like an angel...an angel with wings and a halo...and he's covered in white powder. No, the white powder is not crack...it's fairy dust. Pete's night job is being Tinkerbell, and he goes around stealing little boys and taking them to Neverland...I know what you're thinking, that's Michael Jackson's job, but only during the day, Pete the angel takes over at night. You know what? The other night, I found Pete the Angel in an alley, he looked so beautiful, covered in rubbish and piss. It was the pee of angels, how blessed our Pete is.

Hugh Grant is giving his ex-girlfriend and her husband-to-be a monkey for their impeding wedding. He's also an usher at the wedding, and will also give some sad little speech. A friend is quoted to have said

"Hugh will be like a co-host alongside the best man on the day. He will be making a speech - but pointedly it will be clean. It will be a comedy turn, but there will be no smutty little asides of innuendoes about the relationship they had all those years. "

Oh C'MON!!! Where's the fun if he doesn't mention the fact that he did it with Liz Hurley like, loads of times? Here's his speech for you, or how I see it. "Ever since I've known Liz, and believe me, I know her very well -wink wink-, I've known what makes her happy, I know all her Ins and Outs -nudge nudge-. Today, she's here with this dark fellow, and I know why she's marrying him...he's rich...HAHAHAHA (posh British giggle) No, I'm just joking of course. Lizzy is marrying this man because he makes her happy, because she needs a man in her life who doesn't cheat on her, like I did. Liz, I just want yooiu to know, I'm here for you always, especially when Nayar is out of town, just like old times! -Wink wink, nudge nudge- Seriously, how uncannily accurate is that? I got the prissy British accent down flat!

Well, it isn't really new anymore, but the trend of volunteering and awareness of the world created by Angelina Jolie has been taken up by tennis star Maria Sharapova, who has just been appointed as a Goodwill Ambassador of the United Nations Development Program (UNDP). I'd try and make fun of this, but I can't. I really think it's great when a stuck-up, uncaring and self-centered celebrity takes time off from being famous and uses that to help poor people. Because poor people in third world countries are the ones who need help. The beggars in New York don't need any help, being in New York is enough of a privelige for them. Viva Volunteerism!

Mark Brown, 21, of Bristol, has been charged with hacking into police computers to see the police records of celebrities. Apparently, he got information about celebs such as Pete Doherty and Christiano Ronaldo. Oh puh-leez, even without looking at the records, I can tell you the rap-sheet on Pete Doherty...Drugs, drugs, charged with possession of drugs, found high on drugs, found injecting drugs into someone, drugs and more drugs. See? I told you so. Oh, and also being charged with being the 5th dumbest person alive.

Well, it's Titanic, just without the big ship. But it has lots of people dying, so YAY!!! A Hollywood disaster movie is being made this year, depicting the San Francisco Earthquake of 1906. Wow, and guess what? Leonardo DiCaprio is in it! And directors are hoping to cast Ziyi Zhang (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Memoirs of a Giesha) as the female lead. So what more can I say about this? I hope no-one gets hurt in the movie...I hope Leo doesn't have any facial hair in the movie...I hope they put "My heart goes on" in the soundtrack, though I think that might be expecting a bit much.