SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

Is Aishwarya Rai getting desperate for a hit again? Bechaari Ash, I guess she must be worried about her miniscule (I think) role in Pink Panther 2 that she’s decided that she has to make her mark in Bollywood again and who better to do it with? Her old favourite director Sanjay Leela Bhansali, who made her famous through Hum Dil de Chuke Sanam and Devdas.

Even Ash knows that the few hits she’s had recently has not relied on her presence and she would love to have a role where she took the limelight again. So she’s signed another movie with the director and will be starring opposite Hrithik Roshan.

So that’s one argument sorted…I doubt that Shah Rukh Khan will be that ready to bury the hatchet though, his career isn’t as threatened as Ash’s, especially if Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi turns out to be a hit.

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While playing a prostitute however, so I don’t know how much of a compliment that is.

Rani Mukherjee’s portrayal of the prostitute Gulab in Saawariya was commended, and people noticed that her body language and speech was similar to Rakhi Sawant’s. Rakhi wandered onto the sets one day (or was invited, whatever) and Snajy Leela Bhansali liked her way of speaking and decided to make Rani act like her.

A source says,

“That’s when Sanjay Leela Bhansali heard Rakhi speak and decided to incorporate her cute and wonky way of speaking the English language into Rani’s character,”

Rakhi was obviously delighted of course, as she is whenever she gets any attention and gushed:

“I wasn’t aware of the similarities. I’m a big Sanjay Leeela Bhansali fan and I adore Rani. Yes, he had invited me to the sets. He made me feel very special. When I watched him shoot with Rani, I became an even bigger fan of Sanjayji. Even a walk-on part in his film is invaluable,”

Cute…it could have been worse I guess, they could have made her dress like Rakhi.

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Or is it just a nice publicity stunt to boost falling theater sales? Well, you know I’m a cynic, so making your new co-stars claim that they’re dating is a good way to make people come see them in your crap movie. Well done Mr. Bhansali. Well played.

But let’s just assume that we believe them and Ranbir Kapoor and Sonam Kapoor really are dating. Apparently their love blossomed on the sets of Black, where both were assistants to Sanjay Leela Bhansali. After a few dates they were smitten but were cruelly torn apart when Ranbir went to the US to attend film school (maybe he could suggest the same to Bhansali?) and they drifted apart. Ranbir then came back and had a fling with Deepika Padukone…but all thoughts of Deepika left his mind when he met Sonam again on the sets of Saawariya. Their eyes met across the room…she smiled shyly…he grinned…they hugged and love was reborn. Oh puhleez - roll eyes- So now they’re a couple again and are planning to live happily ever after. Though it’s claimed that Sanjay told the lovebirds not to talk about their romance…at least until the film flops, so he can use the extra publicity.

The sweet nothings that they whisper in each other’s ears?

Ranbir:

“I wish I could be like Sonam. She’s just such an honest and open person. It’s a beautiful quality to possess,”

Sonam:

“Ranbir is someone I can really rely on. I know that I can call him at four in the morning and he’ll be there for me,”

That’s very sweet. Their families have given their approval…oh well, at least they aren’t related. Small blessings.

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Mainly because it wasn’t written by me. One of the coolest and smartest readers here wrote this and very sweetly, let me use it…so you guys get something decent to read for once and I have one less post to write. Thanks Locustwillow!

Quick. Does someone have a gun? Shoot me in the head for going to see this movie (in a movie theater, no less), for being fooled because it was a Sanjay Leela Bhansali film. This movie is an abortion.

Bhansali’s obsession with sets has gone overboard with this one. The setting is supposed to be India, I guess, but the sets look not only total fakes, but are unreal. They look like the setting is in some dingy corner of Venice, with gondolas going back and forth. Totally impossible to relate to. And then the interminable songs, every two minutes, it seems like. With ten of them and with many of them being out of context, this film is a throwback to the dismal eighties trash. The only bright point of the movie was Rani Mukherjee. Acting and quality went up ten notches every time she came on. She made it seem so natural and easy and showed up the two neophytes for what they are. Not that the two were terrible, they were just ordinary and Sonam more ordinary than Ranbir. And Rani was playing a prostitute, wearing $500 sarees, and the red light district, which is where the entire story took place, looked like a spiffy place to live. The other prostitutes looked like women you would want to chat with. Have you ever visited Kamathipura, and seen what it and its whore inhabitants really look like? They’ll make you freeze.

Bhansali has now become a wannabe Yash Raj type movie-maker, and doesn’t have a clue how to do it. Someone please tell him to take some reality pills and put us movie-goers out of misery by never making a movie again.

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