SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

When push comes to shove, there is always a question about where our loyalties lie. Zayed Khan's loyalties obviously lies with Yuvraaj director Subhash Ghai rather than friend Sunil Shetty and his film Mission Istaanbul.

Read how Zayed is a bad friend here!

You know, we never really realise that celebrities have to face threats that most of us never have to do, such as blackmail and extortion. Sunil Shetty is currently going through a crisis with an extortionist who's threatening his family. Someone is threatening Sunil over the phone and as yet, Sunil remained quiet for the sake of his family.

A source close to the actor reports,

"Suniel is not a man to take these threats lying down. But when the man threatened to harm his family Suniel decided to be cautious.

Everyone knows Suniel's family means the world to him. He decided to wait until the children's summer holidays, packed off his entire family for a prolonged vacation until the end of August and then decided to take on the man headlong."

So now that Sunil's made sure that his family is safe, he's getting tough with the blackmailers. He's handed the case over to the police and has even provided them with a list of people who were encouraging Sunil to negotiate with the blackmailers, which puts them under suspicion of being involved themselves.

"I'm no longer losing sleep because the cops are on the guy's trail and my family is far away and safe. Once the fear of family flies out there's nothing to stop from taking on my tormentors,"

So basically, if Indian actors develop eating disorders after they came into contact with Sunil Shetty, then you totally know who to blame. The man with the breasts, above, is now telling his co-stars how to fight flab. Govinda is one of the poor, unlucky souls that Sunil got hold of and is full of praise for Sunil's dietary advice/fascist regime.

"I've already lost 8 kgs, thanks to Suniel who put me on a fat-free no-oil diet while we were shooting in Bangkok," "And if you think that's a miracle let me tell you, young Mimoh Chakrbaroty who's our co-star in Loot lost 18 kgs in Bangkok because of Suniel." "The food was specially prepared by Suniel's cousin. And we were not allowed any carbohydrates for dinner at all. I quickly began to feel lighter and healthier, so much so that I did the unthinkable."

The unthinkable meaning a scene where Govinda scaled down three floors of a building with a rope, which he didn't think he could do until Sunil inspired him. I hope his inspiration didn't involve flashing because that's just EWWW!

No, not when they're bing bullied or anything, though I guess he would do that if they were. If anyone has watched One Two Three, they know that the movie was...ahem, lacking in any kind of talent. There is always a chance that it's director might have been on crack (as the majority are...hehe, controversy) releasing trash like this. But no one said you had to be sober to direct. Sanjay Dutt supposedly had second thoughts on working with Ashwini Dheer, the master behind One Two Three. But because Sanjay's pal Sunil Shetty is the producer of Ahswini's next movie, Sanjay swallows his pride and prepares to have a flop movie. When asked why he didn't want to do the movie, Sanju says,

"Where do these rumours stem from? I'm very much a part of the film, Sunil is my brother and I'll do anything for him!"

This is the part where I say something witty...you guys think of something funny, please. I'm out of here. Til tomorrow.

I wonder, does India have a national football team? Even if the do, then they must suck but by the sound of things, seems like Ranbir Kapoor is the answer to their prayers. According to Sunil Shetty, Ranbir is the most brilliant footballer that he's ever seen and he goes on in that thread for a while.

"I was so surprised! I thought Ranbir was damn a good actor. But I didn't know the boy played soccer like a dream. He's just so good on the field, it's scary." "I was there for the charity football on Tuesday for my son's sake though because of school he couldn't attend." "Because sports is finally giving Bollywood a run for its money," "Ranbir plays soccer like a professional. Now Shah Rukh and Preity have gone into cricket. Let the IPL matches begin and the cinema theatres will wear a deserted look. First the board exams in March and then the IPL matches in April. I think the movie business is in big trouble this year."

If his acting is anything to compare to, then Ranbir probably plays football as well as me. I'm a very good player...when I want to score, I dribble past half the team, lob the ball over the keeper and score. If they didn't keep changing sides after half the match, I wouldn't get confused and score own goals! Speaking of professionals...who saw Arsenal's match against AC Milan? I'd like to see Ranbir get into that team.

How typical. When the actor is in jail, rotting away, no one cares. As soon as he's out and available to make movies for you again, then come the kind words and good wishes. Maybe that's just the state of the world overall? Yes, I'm cynical. Get over it. Sanjay Dutt must be deliriously happy now he's out of jail and directors/producers even more so as he can now finish the movies that he started for them. After spending a few weeks recuperating and recovering from the trauma of prison, Bollywood's so-not-hot bad boy is going to be in front of the camera's again, shooting for Sunil Shetty's Easy Monthly Installments. Lemme guess...a crime caper, with Sanjay playing the tough guy with a heart of gold and maybe a lack of real gold? Anyways, Sunil is so glad to have Sanjay for the film, saying,

"We will start shooting on Dec 12 and go on shooting the entire month. It's so wonderful to have Baba back. He's been through so much. All of us who care about him only want the ordeal to end for him,"

Let's rephrase that with some honesty. "We will start shooting on Dec 12 and keep working 24/7 until Sanjay collapses from exhaustion. It's so wonderful Sanjay is back to make my movie. I don't really care if he goes back to jail as long as he finishes shooting. Actually, I would prefer it if he went back to jail once shooting is complete, because that's great publicity right there." It's the truth people, embrace it.

Even though I've changed the title song to 'Crap to the left of me, crap to the right of me...' and you get the idea. I'm glad he's proud of himself because that movie is somewhere down there on the unrealistic-and-disjointed-rubbish movie meter. Ritesh Deshmukh loves Cash, even though it didn't do much for his career, but he feels that he's proved that he can do other roles besides comedy. He enjoyed shooting for the film so much that he lost track of how fast shooting went...and yet he never questioned where a F1 car appeared from.

"The kind of action that we got to see in 'Cash' was never seen before. Me, Ajay Devgan, Zayed Khan, Suniel Shetty, Shamita Shetty, Diya Mirza and Esha Deol had a whale of time. We didn't even realize when the shooting got over,"

Did you know Ritesh was an architect? He even has a company...good back-up plan in case the acting career flops. He's not really concentrating on that job just yet though, saying,

"I leave my architecture company's running in the hands of a very efficient team while I focus on my acting,"

Yes, and I leave my unwritten novel in my head while I concentrate on blogging...

Once again, some Bollywood star does something nice to cancel out the arrogance of the others. Sunil Shetty was there at the Gateway of India in Mumbai, where the civic authorities were launching a drive to keep Mumbai clean, which involved having a "dirt police" that had the power to fine citizens for littering etc, with fines going as high as 20 000 rupees. Well, on a personal note, that's much better than our screwed-up police...now they'll throw motorists in jail for not wearing a seatbelt. Well done to Mumbai for making a constructive effort in bringing about change. Sunil says,

"Its high time that we get the sense of ownership...all of us are citizens of Mumbai and must be serious about the city's upkeep".

Well said dude.

Wow, I know he's not the greatest of actors, but that's just harsh. Oh wait, no, he just did it for a stunt. Brave boy. Except you know, he doesn't listen when people say don't do the stunt. I don't know if he's stubborn or just stupid. Director Apoorva Lakhia wasn't particularly impressed however, with Zayed Khan's daredevilism (is that even a word?) and says: "He (Zayed) wanted to do a risky stunt himself. I refused. We rehearsed it with a double. But at the last minute Zayed was adamant. He insisted on doing it even as I protested," "If I had my way I'd have definitely not allowed it. We're in a foreign land. And, on top of it, my producer Suniel Shetty's partner Shhabir Boxwallah had to rush back to Mumbai because his mother was ill. Almost the entire unit is composed of young people - Zayed, Viveik Oberoi etc. I've to take production decisions which I hate." They're shooting in Istanbul for new movie Mission Istanbul (wow, what a coincidence) and Zayed decided that he'll definitely be breaking some bones that day and crashed through an eighth-storey window and on to a truck on the road. Not enough excitement in your life? Go on a roller coaster dude, this is unnecessary!

Since its Diwali and the majority of our readers are celebrating, I'm taking it easy. So let's hear what the stars are doing for their Diwali's...I mean, what they're giving and receiving:

Bipasha Basu: "What would I like for Diwali? I'd like people to come and see John and me in Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal. It's really turned out well. As for me, I want to see people around me smiling. I'll make sure I don't give anyone any reason to frown this Diwali." Ranbir Kapoor: "Since Diwali coincides with the release of Saawariya what better gift to mankind than my debut film (grins). For myself I want Saawariya to be the grand success that it deserves to be. More immediately I wouldn't mind loads of clothes and new new phone this Diwali (the one I just bought is troubling me). Suniel Shetty: "I want to gift good health and comfortable space to those who are associated with me personally. I want to create more wellness in the country and I'd like to build health centers. Me? I already have everything. Bahut diya dene wale ne mujhko. Iqbal Khan: "I won't be working on Diwali, and that's the best gift I can give myself and my wife. Besides that I'll pray to God to give me loads of happiness. I'd like to wish the same for all the people who matter to me. Insha Allah. Lilette Dubey: "I'd love to gift all those people who work for me with something they really need and send something to some charity associations as well. Me? I'd love to get a small alpha romeo ha ha…" Shilpa Shetty: "On Saturday it was my first show of Miss Bollywood in England. All shows here are full. What better Diwali gift can I hope for? If I can familiarize even a fraction of the western world with Bollywood I've gotten the best gift I could hope for. Suneel Darshan: "The two scripts that I'm currently writing are my humble gifts to myself. Hopefuly the love and acceptance that these two films will get would be the gift that I get from them. Arshad Warsi: "The only Diwali gift I want is for my films to do well. As for my friends and family, they can have whatever they like. Jaan haazir hai. Nandana Sen: "The one gift that I'd like to give and receive this Diwali is more time to spend with my mother." Randeep Hooda: "Love, love and love. That's what I need for Diwali and that's what I need to give also. And why only for Diwali? I need it for Holi, Christmas and Eid as well. Any takers? Koena Mitra: "I've got special Ganeshji pendants made for my friends and staff. I'll send these with mithai. I love candles and can't receive enough of them. I love giving and getting gifts during Diwali. In fact I got lots of gifts this Diwali and didn't mind at all (wink). But please, no sweets for me! Amrita Arora: "I'll be gifting my dad a laptop for Diwali. I don't know what I'll be getting, though." Priyanka Chopra: "My family and I are supposed to move into our new home. Unfortuately the home couldn't be ready on Diwali. But we'll be moving by month-end and that's Diwali gift enough for us. Jahan pe basera ho diwali wohi hain Mahesh Bhatt: "I'd love to gift my wife Soni Razdan a script this Diwali.She's directing a film for UTV and I'm working on the script. And I want EMI to gift me with a hat-trick of hits for our production house. Sophie Chowdhary: "I just bought my dream home. So now two things remain. My dream role and, even tougher, my dream man. Anyone wants to gift me that? As for giving I believe in giving as good as I get. Dino Morea: "Without meaning to sound righteous, I'd like to gift a poor family something to make this Diwali brighter."

Sweet.