SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

Is Aishwarya Rai getting desperate for a hit again? Bechaari Ash, I guess she must be worried about her miniscule (I think) role in Pink Panther 2 that she’s decided that she has to make her mark in Bollywood again and who better to do it with? Her old favourite director Sanjay Leela Bhansali, who made her famous through Hum Dil de Chuke Sanam and Devdas.

Even Ash knows that the few hits she’s had recently has not relied on her presence and she would love to have a role where she took the limelight again. So she’s signed another movie with the director and will be starring opposite Hrithik Roshan.

So that’s one argument sorted…I doubt that Shah Rukh Khan will be that ready to bury the hatchet though, his career isn’t as threatened as Ash’s, especially if Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi turns out to be a hit.

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Sanjay Leela Bhansali, veteran director, known for heard-hitting gems like Black and Devdas is struggling to bring big names into his productions.

Read about who’s rejected him and why here!

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This movie has been in post-production for ages…and finally it’s coming out. Oh wait, it’s just the promos that are coming out. They’re making such a big fuss over that? This movie better be brilliant the way they’re trying to hype it up.

Unfortunately it’ll take a while before they appear on YouTube but as soon as I find the, they’re yours. Though I have a feeling the movie will suck because there’s reports that Priyanka Chopra is playing a double-role. You know a film is screwed when you do that.

Priyanka appeared at the promo premiere of Love Story 2050 without her co-star and maybe boyfriend Harman Baweja and apparently this is because his father Harry Baweja wants to keep him out of the limelight as much as possible, like how Sanjay Leela Bhansali did before the release of Saawariya with his young stars. Increasing the mystique will make us want to watch the movie?

Hah, good luck with that, did you see what kinda reviews Saawariya got?

Oh, and it’s coming out in June. Snore…someone wake me up when it actually comes out.

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While playing a prostitute however, so I don’t know how much of a compliment that is.

Rani Mukherjee’s portrayal of the prostitute Gulab in Saawariya was commended, and people noticed that her body language and speech was similar to Rakhi Sawant’s. Rakhi wandered onto the sets one day (or was invited, whatever) and Snajy Leela Bhansali liked her way of speaking and decided to make Rani act like her.

A source says,

“That’s when Sanjay Leela Bhansali heard Rakhi speak and decided to incorporate her cute and wonky way of speaking the English language into Rani’s character,”

Rakhi was obviously delighted of course, as she is whenever she gets any attention and gushed:

“I wasn’t aware of the similarities. I’m a big Sanjay Leeela Bhansali fan and I adore Rani. Yes, he had invited me to the sets. He made me feel very special. When I watched him shoot with Rani, I became an even bigger fan of Sanjayji. Even a walk-on part in his film is invaluable,”

Cute…it could have been worse I guess, they could have made her dress like Rakhi.

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Or is it just a nice publicity stunt to boost falling theater sales? Well, you know I’m a cynic, so making your new co-stars claim that they’re dating is a good way to make people come see them in your crap movie. Well done Mr. Bhansali. Well played.

But let’s just assume that we believe them and Ranbir Kapoor and Sonam Kapoor really are dating. Apparently their love blossomed on the sets of Black, where both were assistants to Sanjay Leela Bhansali. After a few dates they were smitten but were cruelly torn apart when Ranbir went to the US to attend film school (maybe he could suggest the same to Bhansali?) and they drifted apart. Ranbir then came back and had a fling with Deepika Padukone…but all thoughts of Deepika left his mind when he met Sonam again on the sets of Saawariya. Their eyes met across the room…she smiled shyly…he grinned…they hugged and love was reborn. Oh puhleez - roll eyes- So now they’re a couple again and are planning to live happily ever after. Though it’s claimed that Sanjay told the lovebirds not to talk about their romance…at least until the film flops, so he can use the extra publicity.

The sweet nothings that they whisper in each other’s ears?

Ranbir:

“I wish I could be like Sonam. She’s just such an honest and open person. It’s a beautiful quality to possess,”

Sonam:

“Ranbir is someone I can really rely on. I know that I can call him at four in the morning and he’ll be there for me,”

That’s very sweet. Their families have given their approval…oh well, at least they aren’t related. Small blessings.

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Mainly because it wasn’t written by me. One of the coolest and smartest readers here wrote this and very sweetly, let me use it…so you guys get something decent to read for once and I have one less post to write. Thanks Locustwillow!

Quick. Does someone have a gun? Shoot me in the head for going to see this movie (in a movie theater, no less), for being fooled because it was a Sanjay Leela Bhansali film. This movie is an abortion.

Bhansali’s obsession with sets has gone overboard with this one. The setting is supposed to be India, I guess, but the sets look not only total fakes, but are unreal. They look like the setting is in some dingy corner of Venice, with gondolas going back and forth. Totally impossible to relate to. And then the interminable songs, every two minutes, it seems like. With ten of them and with many of them being out of context, this film is a throwback to the dismal eighties trash. The only bright point of the movie was Rani Mukherjee. Acting and quality went up ten notches every time she came on. She made it seem so natural and easy and showed up the two neophytes for what they are. Not that the two were terrible, they were just ordinary and Sonam more ordinary than Ranbir. And Rani was playing a prostitute, wearing $500 sarees, and the red light district, which is where the entire story took place, looked like a spiffy place to live. The other prostitutes looked like women you would want to chat with. Have you ever visited Kamathipura, and seen what it and its whore inhabitants really look like? They’ll make you freeze.

Bhansali has now become a wannabe Yash Raj type movie-maker, and doesn’t have a clue how to do it. Someone please tell him to take some reality pills and put us movie-goers out of misery by never making a movie again.

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You know, maybe we all knew underneath that Saawariya and Om Shanti Om were going to be terrible. I mean, any movie that gets so much hype and publicity is bound to be a flop, even if it isn’t the worst movie you ever watched, since everyone expects an epic masterpiece. No dramatic sagas here, just melodramatic attempts at picturesque sets. Both OSO and Saawariya have been panned by critics, but Saawariya got the brunt of it I think. Shah Rukh Khan was nailed for over-acting in OSO, but he’s been doing that for the last 20 years, we’re used to it, and it’s unlikely he’s going to stop now…and apparently Deepika Padukone was not all that bad. Saawariya was ripped into however, with Sonam and Ranbir Kapoor proving, unfortunately, that they’re not exactly the superstars of tomorrow.

Here’s some examples of the reviews:
“…a stark, lovely story about romance born and rekindled over four nights — and, picking out its barest heart, proceeds to smother it in mixed-up layers of trite melodrama.” - Rediff.com
“The film could have been a cinematic masterpiece if Bhansali had focused more on developing the characters in depth rather than resorting heavily to their dramatic presentation. The silhouette of a veiled girl waiting on a bridge is appealing to the eye, but it doesn’t make your heart flinch.” - Apunkachoice
“Alas, Saawariya is all style, no substance. When a director of the calibre of SLB attempts a love story, you expect to experience the various emotions that you generally associate with romance. Sadly, the emotions you experience while watching Saawariya is sorrow and after the screening, anguish.” - OneIndia
“Saawariya can be mistaken for an experimental musical play. The film is a fable without a moral lesson. A dramatic poem without any actual drama. A story without a plot. It’s an energizing myth of a dream woven on screen, but perceived only by the creator.” - Bookeazy Blog

But director Sanjay doesn’t care though and he knows that because of the immense brainwashing we all went through, we’re still going to watch the movie. Unfortunately, I think he’s right. I know I will.

“Media manipulation won’t kill my film. I’m open to healthy criticism and debate. But not prejudiced criticism. In the opening weekend we’ve had massive audiences all over the world connecting with the film,”

“The huge barrage of criticism hasn’t prevented people from appreciating my merger of raga-based melodies with a Broadway-styled play. Only a handful of critics are trying to influence the audience to go against the film. The final verdict comes from the unbiased viewer,”

Even the unbiased viewers aren’t giving you good reviews Sanjay. But we can all go watch the movie and despair at the wasted hours in our life. I think that’s what Sanjay would want.

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Or he’s not afraid of Shah Rukh Khan at least. He’s moved the premiere of Saawariya to the 7th of November, two days before the films actual release in theaters. Usually movies are premiered only a few hours before release, keeping any negative reviews to a minimal. Sanjay Leela Bhansali doesn’t care though because he thinks his movie rocks and even has the support of Sony Pictures.

Uday Singh, CEO of Sony Pictures says:

“But we’ve enough faith in our product not to be bothered by such considerations. To my mind Sanjay Bhansali is the finest filmmaker in this country,”

“With Diwali on November 9 and people being busy with preparations and pujas in their homes we didn’t want to inconvenience our premiere guests.

We aren’t scared of showing the film two days in advance. We’ve seen the product and we now know Sanjay has given us a superlative film.”

How very sweet of you guys…and they make sure that people absorb Saawaiya before Om Shanti Om, clever marketing. But Uday also says that people get generous for the holiday and doesn’t see OSO as direct competition, just as another good movie to watch on your day off. Yeah right…the dog fights have already begun…long live Bollywood.

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Well, it doesn’t matter when you’re a director, but it matters when you’re an actor and directors are writing you off as way too old. As Diwali draws closer and so do the meetings of Saawariya and Om Shanti Om, Sanjay Leela Bhansali is feeling the heat and is slagging off Shah Rukh Khan…indirectly at least.

While he says that he likes the healthy competition, maybe Sanjay is afraid that Shah Rukh will win again?

“I think the audience is tired and fed up of the 40-year-old hero. They want to see fresh, young faces.

And that is why I am presenting to movie-goers, the chance to see new faces. How long do you think women will swoon over 40-year-old heroes?”

Um, it’s Shah Rukh Sanjay. He’s not called the King of Bollywood for nothing and even at age 42 he can still make women swoon. Not me though, since I hate him, but other non-SRK-hating women. But don’t worry, I’ll buy both of your movies and tell you which one I like better. Hope that makes you feel better.

And while these comments would also seem to be aimed at other older Khans (Salman and Aamir), you just know he’s talking about Shah Rukh. Him and Salman are friends and Aamir has never worked with Sanjay as far as I know. So yeah, basically, Sanjay is saying “I’m very afraid of you Shah Rukh Khan, excpet I’m trying not to show it”.

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And I don’t mean his donkey. The Indian censor board has finally done something decent and saved us all the sight of Ranbir Kapoor’s naked derrière. He was supposed to have a towel dropping scene in the song “Jab se Tere Naina” in Saawariya and I suppose his fans will be disappointed. Though why anyone wants to see that sight is beyond me.

Ranbir was quite looking forward to it appearing and thought it was perfect for his song:

“It’s a song where a guy is celebrating love when he comes out of a bath…so many of us have danced in a towel in our bedrooms. What’s the big deal if it slips off?

I did exactly what the character was required to do.If my father could do it for his father in the conservative 1970s why can’t I do the same in this day and age when everything is out in the open?”

Bollywood censor board had a different idea and would only allow the shot to stay in if the movie got an adult rating. Sanjay Leela Bhansali didn’t want to cut out some of his audience though and decided to have the shot removed:

“In fact, several members of the censor board who loved the film suggested I take the cut and go with the ‘U’ certificate. Though in principle I’m against any cuts, this one time I agreed. The shot doesn’t really make any difference to the flow of my story,”

Deleted scenes anyone?

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