SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

Hi guys, well, I'm back after an unbelievably hectic week, but I've survived, with the help of my loving friends and family. I couldn't have done it without them...and a few anti-anxiety drops as well. If you missed me, thanks. If you didn't, shame, I'm back. Unfortunately I still haven't worked out what's going on with the pictures but I think I'll spend some time this weekend sorting out the website, so hopefully by Monday we'll be back up to normal...

Anyways, the story in the post. Sherlyn Chopra, who's occasionally called an 'actress' as a joke, has been talking to the press with her usual wisdom (read:crap) in the hopes of acting some cheap publicity. I wish I could ignore her, but she's one of those people who demand to be made fun of.

So here goes, the Red Swastik chick has spoken about her silicone-enhanced body, which she says is perfection epitomised. She also takes aim at plastic-surgery buddy Koena Mitra and insists that her doc did the better job. I knew it would come to this one day, when people start fighting about surgery "My cosmetic surgeon is better than your cosmetic surgeon...mine can make me look like Barbie in less procedures than yours."

Sherlyn says,

"My USP is my effortless sexuality,"

"All it takes is just one look. My photos are so fabulous that any curator would put them in a museum."

"Koena reminds me of Michael Jackson. At least I am glad that my doctor has done a neat job and it does not look like Micheal's nose,"

"I have groomed myself a lot...with the help of my doctor."

Yeah totally, her pictures belong in the museum of Epic Failures of Human Look-a-likes. And Miss Perfect-Body is not looking forward to her Yash Raj cameo anymore, since she has to take acting lessons and stop throwing up in toilets. Oh well, she's worked 'hard' to get where she is, wouldn't you agree?

I never knew that Koena Mitra had work done but after looking at before and after pictures of her, it's kinda obvious. It's also obvious that her plastic surgeon mistook her words "make me beautiful" to mean "make me look like an Indian Barbie".

Is it just me or did Koena look a bit like Deepika Padukone before the facelift? And believe this, the 'after' picture is one of the better ones. Others look like Michael Jackson/alien.

Maybe this is the reason she hasn't been seen in many roles besides the odd special appearance in a song. Some reports say that Koena is running out of money...how is she going to afford corrective surgery?

I'm surprised to say this, but Koena Mitra shows a surprising amount of common sense in a recent interview. Extracts below...

Q. Secret behind your sexy figure?
A. It’s a combination of a good balanced diet accompanied with exercises. For me exercises can be walking, swimming or playing any kind of sports. Fitness is the best formula to look good and feel better.

I only miss my exercises when am back after a long schedule as at that moment I just want to relax and my destination is my bedroom.

Finally, someone that sounds normal and doesn't talk about the magical qualities of Yoga.

The Apna Sapna Money Money actress also decries the emerging Bollywood trend of dating married men,

Q. It looks to be a kind of fashion in Bollywood to fall in love with a married man. Would you prefer to follow the same?
A. No way, if today he can ditch somebody for me, tomorrow he may dump me, too.

Big duh...Sushmita Sen, are you listening?

A nice easy post this one is...Happy Valentine's Day everyone...since I don't believe in the commercial holiday, which is nothing more than an excuse to make guy's feel guilty, girls feel stupid and everyone wastes money on tacky teddy bears and plastic roses. Love is not this but let's see how Bollywood will be spending it's day...

Aishwarya Rai: "I'll be attending the premiere of Jodha-Akbar in Delhi on Valentine's Day. But Abhishek will be with me. So no complaints. Every day is a simple day and every day is a celebration. What you make of every moment is what it’s all about. Bipasha Basu: Doing: "We're going for a short trip to Cape Town. For the last three years on Valentine's Day John and I have been in in different countries. Looking forward to this flash holiday. Desire: "None. I'm happy and contented." Zayed Khan: Doing: "See, it was Valentine's Day five years ago that I proposed to Malaika. So it's a doubly special day for me. I think I'm going to try my hand at being chef, and have a go at some fine wine that I've been saving up for us for a special day. We'll be at home since we don't want to leave our son Zidaan alone. Desire: "For many more such Valentine's Days" Pooja Bedi: Doing: "I've absolutely no plans. It's a day for LOVERS,not about being with loved ones, friends and relative. Unless you want to comfort yourself about the absence of that someone special in your life. Desire: Waiting for my Prince Charming to come. Priyanka Chopra: "I don't believe you need a reason or a particular day to say you love someone. When you're in love every day is special." Koena Mitra: Doing: "Since I don't have anyone special in my life I'd do the usual things, like watching a movie with my girlfriends, shopping till I drop and some harmless male-bashing with my girlie pals.And hmmmm, I may do some serious flirting. Is that allowed? Desire: "My Valentine desire would be to finally meet Mr Right. But if that's not possible this Valentine then fine. Just get me a man who's hot-looking and a great conversationalist. Then even a Mr Wrong will do. Celina Jaitley: Desire: My Valentine wish is to find true love. Doing: "Though I'm working on Valentine's Day I have a special show for the day on MTV for the single. I'll watch it and have a good laugh Imtiaz Ali: Doing: "There's a special screening of my Jab We Met for young Delhi romantics. So it's a day of good business for me. And this is as romantic as I can get. Desire: "I want to keep making films that girls will adore on Valentine's Day. Aryan Vaid: "My Valentine's Day plans are open. I'm single so nothing happening. I want to celebrate love. It's such an amazing time and with the Mumbai weather being so romantic, this Valentine's Day will be special even without a play- mate. Desire: Hopefully next year I'll have someone special to celebrate it with. Farhan Akhtar: Doing: "Since I'm shooting for Rock On it'll be a very routine Valetine's Day for me. But the night gets exciting when I get to see an intensely romantic film Jodha-Akbar. Desire: "Want to see Mumbayites back to the spirit of the city.. Esha Deol: Doing: "It's an unromantic Valentine for me. I'm shooting an ad with my mum and sis. Desire: "I want to give lots of love to all those who've given me love. Lots of love to all my ex-es too! Ha ha. May God keep me single for as long as possible because I love my freedom. Muzamil Ebrahim: Doing: "It's my mother's birthday on Valentine's Day so there'll definitely be lots of celebration. Desire: "Want good health and happiness for all those who love me.And I want to get together with the one I want to be with. Dino Morea: Doing: "Since I've no love life I'll be doing some good for society. Will be meeting cancer patients who are couples and helping one another through life. Then I'm off to Delhi for an event. Sammir Dattani: Doing : "Shooting a very romantic song in Bangalore with my co–star Jennifer Kotwal but thinking of someone very special in Mumbai. Desire: Wish I was back on Mumbai to be with that someone very special. Riya Sen: "Nothing exciting. I'll be working. I'm in Delhi on the 14th for an appearance. Amrita Arora: Doing: "Will be shooting on Valentine's Desire: "Wish to have my loved one with me forever Divya Dutta: "I'm celebrating Valentine's Day with my favourite people on the sets of Dilli 6 in Jaipur.. and that includes my childhood crush Rishi Kapoor. Kushal Punjabi: Doing: "Besides shooting I'll be doing what all other lovers do on Valentine's Day. Exchanging cards and listening to romantic songs. What did you think? Desire: "From all the girls in my life that one special person will emerge on this day. I promise I'll give up doing naughty like exchanging cards things after that. Neil Mathur: Doing: "Will be going out with a secret Valentine to a secret place." Desire: "One wish would be that I get the power to give back love to all those who love me." Tusshar Kapoor: Doing: "Nothing special. Just meeting up with friends after shooting" Desire: "If I had my way I'd make every day Valentine's Day." Amrita Rao: Doing: "I'm shooting all day and and attending a birthday party in the evening." Desire: "I wish all those people in love be so forever.And those who don't, may they please find love this Valentine's Day." Malaika Arora: Doing: "I want to spend the day with all my loved ones." Desire: "I don't anyone to be alone on Valentine's Day." Tanushree Dutta: Doing "I'm shooting on Valentine's Day.So no Valentine plan." Desire: "I wish I'd be in Paris for the next Valentine's Day."

Since its Diwali and the majority of our readers are celebrating, I'm taking it easy. So let's hear what the stars are doing for their Diwali's...I mean, what they're giving and receiving:

Bipasha Basu: "What would I like for Diwali? I'd like people to come and see John and me in Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal. It's really turned out well. As for me, I want to see people around me smiling. I'll make sure I don't give anyone any reason to frown this Diwali." Ranbir Kapoor: "Since Diwali coincides with the release of Saawariya what better gift to mankind than my debut film (grins). For myself I want Saawariya to be the grand success that it deserves to be. More immediately I wouldn't mind loads of clothes and new new phone this Diwali (the one I just bought is troubling me). Suniel Shetty: "I want to gift good health and comfortable space to those who are associated with me personally. I want to create more wellness in the country and I'd like to build health centers. Me? I already have everything. Bahut diya dene wale ne mujhko. Iqbal Khan: "I won't be working on Diwali, and that's the best gift I can give myself and my wife. Besides that I'll pray to God to give me loads of happiness. I'd like to wish the same for all the people who matter to me. Insha Allah. Lilette Dubey: "I'd love to gift all those people who work for me with something they really need and send something to some charity associations as well. Me? I'd love to get a small alpha romeo ha ha…" Shilpa Shetty: "On Saturday it was my first show of Miss Bollywood in England. All shows here are full. What better Diwali gift can I hope for? If I can familiarize even a fraction of the western world with Bollywood I've gotten the best gift I could hope for. Suneel Darshan: "The two scripts that I'm currently writing are my humble gifts to myself. Hopefuly the love and acceptance that these two films will get would be the gift that I get from them. Arshad Warsi: "The only Diwali gift I want is for my films to do well. As for my friends and family, they can have whatever they like. Jaan haazir hai. Nandana Sen: "The one gift that I'd like to give and receive this Diwali is more time to spend with my mother." Randeep Hooda: "Love, love and love. That's what I need for Diwali and that's what I need to give also. And why only for Diwali? I need it for Holi, Christmas and Eid as well. Any takers? Koena Mitra: "I've got special Ganeshji pendants made for my friends and staff. I'll send these with mithai. I love candles and can't receive enough of them. I love giving and getting gifts during Diwali. In fact I got lots of gifts this Diwali and didn't mind at all (wink). But please, no sweets for me! Amrita Arora: "I'll be gifting my dad a laptop for Diwali. I don't know what I'll be getting, though." Priyanka Chopra: "My family and I are supposed to move into our new home. Unfortuately the home couldn't be ready on Diwali. But we'll be moving by month-end and that's Diwali gift enough for us. Jahan pe basera ho diwali wohi hain Mahesh Bhatt: "I'd love to gift my wife Soni Razdan a script this Diwali.She's directing a film for UTV and I'm working on the script. And I want EMI to gift me with a hat-trick of hits for our production house. Sophie Chowdhary: "I just bought my dream home. So now two things remain. My dream role and, even tougher, my dream man. Anyone wants to gift me that? As for giving I believe in giving as good as I get. Dino Morea: "Without meaning to sound righteous, I'd like to gift a poor family something to make this Diwali brighter."

Sweet.

It seems like a fairytale. A failed Bollywood actress gets a chance to step up to the big time. Sadly it's true. Koena Mitra of Apna Sapna Money Money fame, is set to take up the role of a superhero in a forthcoming Hollywood movie, tentatively entitled Karna. Speculation is rife (mainly here in my room...) that Orlando Bloom has expressed interest as the male love interest. A source says,

“It’s a tough part to play and requires a lot of flexibility, but Koena has an Indian face and a toned body. Barring Esha Deol and Bipasha Basu, no one in Bollywood can boast of such a good physique, She plays a character with different shades, so Koena had to look strong and glamorous at the same time."

What the hell is wrong with Hollywood!? Don't they have enough bad actors? Why are they trying to steal ours? Seriously though... why the sudden obsession with Indians? The Namesake was pretty good, but you'd have to pay me a couple of million to cast an Indian actress after hearing Ash's wannabe British accent in Bride and Prejudice. This would obviously be after you stop my ears bleeding from when I stabbed them, to drown out her accent and cheesy dialogue in the first place.

Wanted: Ugly man with filthy mind, willing to send lewd sms's to advance actresses careers. Multiple sim cards needed. Will be paid on commission. No fans and stalkers please. I think this was what Mehraj Rehman replied to, as the small-time gangster is now in jail for harassing actresses with sms's. He claims that he didn't do it on his own accord though, but was paid by certain actresses to taunt and trouble them, because they could make use of the publicity.

“Sab ko publicity chahiye aur mujhe un logo ne Bollywood ka don bana diya,” (Everyone wants publicity and they made me the Don of Bollywood) “I have proof that actresses like Kangana Ranaut, Sambhvana Seth and Koena Mitra paid me huge amounts to issue threats to them and their foes for cheap publicity." “The police have not nabbed me. I surrendered as Nagmaji had lodged an FIR against me. I don’t want to hurt her feelings as I respect her a lot.”

If you respected her so much, wouldn't it have been better if you hadn't stalked her in the first place? Wow, criminals are stupid...and Shah Rukh made a cooler and less dumb don.

Apparently some new-comers are so into themselves and their fame that they take loads of cash from people and just expect to walk away with it, no questions asked. One such actress is Koena Mitra. Well, the story didn't make alot of sense to me...well, it did, but there's no good actors involved, just the usual D-list crap. That makes the story automatically boring and pointless, but SoggyCornflakes indulges in the pointless, so I'll tell you about it. But imagine how much easier Biology and Physics would have been if it was being taught by Brad Pitt and not the ugly teacher? You see my point? Anyways, some actress Dolly Bindra apparently had an agreement with Koena who said that she would act in Dolly's film. Dolly, quite stupidly, also gave her 500 000 rupees as a upfront payment. Then Koena just disappeared and so Dolly has gotten an arrest warrant out on her and other no-name brand actors. Wow, spicy news...not. So let's see if dumb Dolly will get her money back.