SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

Nah, I'm just being controversial, but the Indian legal system has proved that democracy doesn't mean going off on any random rant, especially when it's Mr Bharat himself, actor Manoj Kumar. After the release of Om Shanti Om, Shah Rukh and Farah are in so much trouble...kinda.

Read what the courts had to say about the OSO controversy!

It's unlikely but you never know with these showbiz types. Let's explain... Shah Rukh Khan is now planning to produce a children's film (a relatively new concept in India) and is making sure that he wastes...ahem, productively invests as much money in it as possible. Ge's set aside a budget of $25 million for the project, in the hope that the special effects will be something spectacular. He says,

"It will be madcap, over the top. I want it to be as beautiful as Spider-Man in special effects."

Which is all very admirable but the story line intrigues and frankly, amuses me. The story is about a group of children who go out to seek adventure but after meeting some satanists, turn to a life of evil and ritual sacrifices. Well, I'm assuming that's what's going to happen, but so far all details say that "incidents occur" (thus, the meeting of the satanists) and the kids turn to evil (thus zombies will kill the kid's parents). Do you ever wonder where I get this stuff from? Yeah, I don't know either. Shah Rukh is now in talks with Hollywood visual effects whiz Charles Darby, who has worked on films like Titanic and The Matrix to do the special effects for his film. Well, no one can say that Shah Rukh doesn't use the best and this is the part where you insert a witty retort. Oh, and speaking of kids, Farah Khan has given birth to triplets 2 days ago, mother and baby are well...possibly in negotiation with SRK on some triplet movie deal in the future.

And is taking it to the next level...the next level being monetary gains for being made fun of. There seems to be something funny going on with Shah Rukh Khan, Farah Khan and Manoj Kumar. It was reported that the veteran actor wasn't very amused by a scene in Om Shanti Om where "he" was beaten up...or at least a look-a-like was given a few knocks. And even though Farah and Shah Rukh apologised to him and claimed to offer the deletion of the scene, Manoj refused and said it was OK. However it doesn't look like that was the case and the dude is still quite pissed off. He insists that the scene be removed from the movie ASAP or he'll be suing SRK.

“I am not here to beg for anything. If he has committed a crime, he should realise that he has to personally apologise to me. In my 50 years of work, I have never held a press conference or hired a PR person. I have been extremely tolerant, but if someone hits me below the belt, it is unpardonable.” "Frankly, I don't believe in litigation. But after three days, I will consult my well-wishers and advisors and if they say that I should knock the doors of a court, I will. I am not going to stop protesting,"

The going has not been easy for Manoj either, since Shah Rukh offered to come to his house and apologise personally, resulting in the usual 'tamasha' that follows King Khan outside the home of Mr. Kumar. And guess what? Shah Rukh didn't pitch and police had to be called in to disperse the crowd. Ah how fun. I see a lawsuit...

With so much Shah Rukh Khan news around, I can't be bothered to write separate posts, so you'll get a super SRK post and don't blame me if his arrogance knocks you over. Firstly, Shah Rukh is acting in a new romantic movie with Sushmita Sen. Ok, not really, but since everyone liked his relationship with Sushmita in Main Hoon Na (um, wasn't she taller than him?) that he makes a guest appearance in her new movie Dulha Mil Gaya (I found the Groom). Sush says:

"Shah Rukh and I are getting together again in 'Dulha Mil Gaya', though Shah Rukh only makes a guest appearance in the film,"

And she also talks about how Salman Khan isn't conscious about his height, as she'll be partnering up with him again in David Dhawan's new comedy:

"I love working with him. We've such a beautiful equation. He's one hero who doesn't let me feel my height. On the contrary whenever I kick off my high heels he asks me to put them on. It's not hard to see why he's so loved."

And Shah Rukh really does annoy people, whether it's by having stupid scenes in Om Shanti Om or being disgustingly tactless. A scene in OSO showed a young Manoj Kumar being beaten up and the real Manoj is not impressed. Farah Khan and Shah Rukh say that they apologised to him and he accepted the apology: Shah Rukh says:

"I and Farah have apologized to Manoj-ji over phone and we will go to meet him personally as well,"

Farah says:

"He (Manoj Kumar) was very sweet and said there was no need to apologize, 'you are like my children'. We even offered to remove the scene from the film if it hurt him so much, but he said there was no need at all for that,"

But other sources say that Manoj hasn't accepted the apology and Shah Rukh and Farah and going to have to do a lot more groveling before he's happy with the apology. And lastly, Shah Rukh shows how stupid he is by smoking around Farah Khan, even when he knows that she's pregnant with triplets. Shah Rukh was told off by the National Organization for Tobacco Eradication (NOTE) to quit smoking in public and, instead of accepting that he made a mistake smoking just said that the places where he was smoking was private property and threatened to sue NOTE for sending him legal notices. Charming...moron. Even if you wanna kill yourself (believe me, no one cares) at least have some respect for your friend's health. If Farah's kids are born with flippers, we know who to blame. Could anyone be more arrogant?

Because everyone is too obsessed with his six-pack. Is that true girls? Uh...maybe. There is a certain fascination to seeing a human sack of steroids walking around. No, I'm not being mean...I'm just being truthful...and mean. At a recent promotional event for Filmfare where he appears on the cover of the magazine shirtless, he says:

"Well it's just not a promotional event for Om Shanti Om, its my relation with Filmfare as well," "I am very embarrassed; people come to see my abs and not my acting. Actually I am very shy of photo shoots." "I think this film is completely ruled by the two leading ladies and that is Farah khan and Deepika,"

Wow, King Khan being humble. Those drugs must really mellow you out. You would be more believable if you weren't standing in front of your poster and weren't wearing your 'Shah Rukh Khan is the best actor in the whole wide world' vest. Yes, I know you have it on under there!

Shah Rukh Khan's wife has finally decided to take advantage of her filmi connections by appearing in Farah Khan's upcoming Om Shanti Om. Mrs. (Shah Rukh... I'm pretty sure Farah is straight) Khan is also producing the film and will appear in the end credits sequence. Farah Khan says,

"She was supposed to shoot for me for Main Hoon Na too, but last time she ditched me because she was too shy to come in front of the camera, but this time she finally agreed. She said she's doing it only for me but I am sure her husband had something to do with it since she's the official producer of the film.”

That's all you have to do, to get a part in a stinking Bollywood movie? Be Shah Rukh Khan's wife!!? So all those hours I spent posing naked outside Farah's house were... for nothing? How could she?!! Especially after she called in an audience... getting my hopes up and all. Sure the audience were the police. And sure they didn't exactly "watch me" (Unless "watch" suddenly means "beat savagely with big sticks"... because if it does ... They watched me for ages). But still... I thought it meant something.

Sushmita Sen has been out of the country for a while and she was wondering what rumours would have cropped up by then. She came back to discover that she was in an all-out war with Shah Rukh Khan.

"So that's what the tattlers have been talking about while I was out of the country? Shah Rukh and I at war? Interesting copy. But totally untrue. I've never had a problem with Shah Rukh. We had great fun shooting Main Hoon Na with Farah Khan. Although it was his home production he didn't once let me feel unwanted. It was great fun playing SRK's m'aam in that film."

Yeah, it must have been fun to duck down and wear flats the whole movie because you were taller than Shah Rukh. It must also have been fun to play a schoolteacher, since you usually play hooker roles....or naughty nurse roles. Wait, that wasn't hr role in Maine Pyaar Kyun Kiya? Aw man, I better go watch it again then.

But unless you work in Bollywood, your chances are quite slim. But after movies like Krishh, the super-hero genre has taken over Bollywood and our latest superhero is the badshah himself, Shah Rukh Khan. Mr Khan has apparently signed on to do Farah Khan's latest film, a sci-fi endeavor. Since SRK is the one bleating about special effects all the time, Farah will be giving him a chance to prove himself as he will be taking over the special effects side of the production. You know what Shah Rukh's superpowers will be? Shaking uncontrollably when angry or intense...that should strike fear into the hearts of his enemies. Booo, this is boring.