SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

Although the divorce rate in Bollywood isn’t as high as Hollywood, I think it’s still higher than the average Indian divorce rates. I think that Indian culture has still retained itself in Bollywood a little, that marriage is a big deal and small problems aren’t a deal breaker. So it’s understandable that Arshad Warsi is working at his marriage, which is reportedly on the rocks.

Arshad has told the media to stop reporting that he and Maria Gorreti are getting divorced, as they’re not even close to separation. He does acknowledge that Maria might be slightly annoyed at him since he’s spending a lot of time on the sets of his new movies.

“She’s right. But sometimes an actor’s life is like that. I’m shooting for films; we’re busy with our home production. But again that’s no excuse. Maria has been an integral part of our first production venture, and has been the pillar of the family. I’d be stupid to lose her.”

“Maria is my ‘complete woman’. Her values, ethics, principles remain unmatched. Fights happen, every couple fights, but I’m waiting to get home and make things right. In ‘Golmaal Returns’, I have Saif’s name tattooed on my chest, but if I were to get a real tattoo done, it would read Zeke and Zene (his children)!”

Cool names for his kids.

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Except he’s not getting his own show, a la Akki, King Khan and Sallu.

And it’s not a new gig for him. Arshad Warsi has been offered 5 crores to host the second season of Big Boss, which is a big increase from the 75 lakhs he was paid for the first season.

Arshad is keeping quiet about the whole deal however and says,

“There are talks happening. But it is too soon to divulge anything. Nothing much has been confirmed about the final deal yet,”

So while Sony waits for Arshad to make up his mind, they’re trying to find the perfect contestants to come up on the show. The perfect contestants must obviously have zero dignity, no modesty issues and preferably fight with their housemates at any opportunity.

Obviously Sherlyn Chopra has signed on.

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Arshad Warsi is another actor getting ready to to go into producing. I guess that’s a sure-fire way that you always have a job. So is a production house for actors the same as a private practice for doctors? Your own hours, your own dates, more effort equals more money.

Anyways, he’s been having a hard time finding an actress to play the leading lady in his movie and has only recently convinced Diya Mirza to commit. The reason for the delay was the belief that Arshad wasn’t leading man material but only seemed to fit into quirky sidekick roles, like Salaam Namaste, Vaah! Life ho toh Aisi, and the Munnabhai movies. Wow, he’s done a lot of those roles.

So Diya, a kinda co-star from Lage Raho Munnabhai, has filled in because she likes her role of a sweet girl in the movie, which is entitled I Believe in Angels…for now.

“First of all I’ve always enjoyed Arshad’s performances and it’s an honour to be in a film to be produced by him. Then when I heard the script I simply fell in love with my role and and the script. Every character is so beautifully written I’m sure Arshad’s first production is going to turn out to be very special.”

“I’ve that image. And I suit it. Though I’m not bound by the sweet image I don’t mind being perceived as ideal for angelic roles at a time when every second girl enjoys playing the wicked one.”

Can’t say I disagree with her.

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Arshad Warsi isn’t a happy chappie. The Mr Black Mr White actor was delighted when he won the National Award for his supporting role in Lago Raho Munnabhai…or at least, he thought he won.

He explains the situation,

“First my family and close friends saw my name being flashed on television non-stop. They rang me up to tell me I had won the National award for Munnabhai. I was like, ‘Yesss. I’ve finally done it.’

Throughout the day I got congratulatory sms. But then in the evening the bubble burst. I was told that the guy who played Gandhi had got it. Tough luck.”

Dilip Prabhawalker, who played Mahatma Ghandi, won the prize. While Arshad doesn’t completely understand why Ghandi was picked over him (maybe because he’s India’s hero? Ghandi, not Dilip), he can still joke about the award, saying that he now knows what it’s like to win a national award and he’ll be prepared for whenever he really wins it.

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Things aren’t looking so good for Arshad Warsi…yeah, he’s making a movie but he can’t find a director to direct or a co-star who wants to act with him. Now that’s just really mean…why wouldn’t you want to act with Arshad? He’s funny! That’s the best personality trait in anyone.

But Arshad’s problems lie with finding a co-star…recently, Lara Dutta walked out of the production when she found out that Arshad was supposed to be her love interest.

So she’s saying that short, funny people can never be heroes? Short, funny people don’t deserve to be loved and respected on and off-screen? Do they not have hopes and dreams? Then what is Shahid Kapoor doing on-screen?

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Not ‘wanted’ in a criminal sense, just wanted in a superstar turned Item Boy sense. Shah Rukh Khan will be seen sooner than we thought he would. Does anyone even know what his next movie is supposed to be? Oh well, we’ll be seeing him soon in Rakesh Roshan’s Krazzy 4 in an item song number.

Hrithik Roshan, though not acting in the movie will also dance to the same song, though only for promo’s. Shah Rukh’s song will actually appear in the movie.

The movie sounds cute however, being about 4 escapees from a mental hospital who go out to see the world for a day and in the end are left wondering who is really insane. A deep message? Maybe.

Big names in the movie include Arshad Warsi, Juhi Chawla, Diya Mirza and Rajpal Yadav. Oh yay, and I found the video for you guys. I think SRK might be making too big a deal out of this…song sucks and Shah Rukh looks like an idiot with his little ponytail. Very few guys can pull that look off and a 42-year-old father of two shouldn’t try it.

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As shown by my not-that-funny or realistic distortion above.

As Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal gets premiered, tongues are wagging and tabloid trash is going insane wondering why Arshad Warsi isn’t along to promote the film with John Abraham and Bipasha Basu. The poor dear though, he’s not boycotting the film because his role wasn’t big enough, he’s not there because he’s suffering from some serious allergies.

“I was in bed for two weeks. I had terrible allergy attack. My face was completely swollen. It started with a viral fever. But after two days I started getting itchy and swollen. I had kept time aside for the ‘Goal’ promo. Thank god I wasn’t the only actor in the project. That would’ve been disastrous,”

Arshad may be getting a bit tired of doing the loyal sidekick roles however, such as Munnabhai MBBS, it’s sequel and Salaam Namaste. While he waits for exclusively Arshad-is-the-hero roles, he’s still having fun on sets, despite what the media has to say.

“But I can’t complain. I got into ‘Goal’ with my eyes closed. And I’m very honestly saying the problems with John and Bipasha (Basu) were highly exaggerated by the media. Bipasha is a very honest girl. I had no problems with either her or John.”

That’s nice to hear and he also warns us that Goal isn’t another Chak De India. Yes, it’s centered around sports, but it’s more for entertainment rather than giving us morals such as ‘Never give up’ and ‘If you’re ugly and try and seduce the coach, he won’t put you in unless he absolutely has to’. Important lessons those are too.

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Since its Diwali and the majority of our readers are celebrating, I’m taking it easy. So let’s hear what the stars are doing for their Diwali’s…I mean, what they’re giving and receiving:

Bipasha Basu: “What would I like for Diwali? I’d like people to come and see John and me in Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal. It’s really turned out well. As for me, I want to see people around me smiling. I’ll make sure I don’t give anyone any reason to frown this Diwali.”

Ranbir Kapoor: “Since Diwali coincides with the release of Saawariya what better gift to mankind than my debut film (grins). For myself I want Saawariya to be the grand success that it deserves to be. More immediately I wouldn’t mind loads of clothes and new new phone this Diwali (the one I just bought is troubling me).

Suniel Shetty: “I want to gift good health and comfortable space to those who are associated with me personally. I want to create more wellness in the country and I’d like to build health centers. Me? I already have everything. Bahut diya dene wale ne mujhko.

Iqbal Khan: “I won’t be working on Diwali, and that’s the best gift I can give myself and my wife. Besides that I’ll pray to God to give me loads of happiness. I’d like to wish the same for all the people who matter to me. Insha Allah.

Lilette Dubey: “I’d love to gift all those people who work for me with something they really need and send something to some charity associations as well. Me? I’d love to get a small alpha romeo ha ha…”

Shilpa Shetty: “On Saturday it was my first show of Miss Bollywood in England. All shows here are full. What better Diwali gift can I hope for? If I can familiarize even a fraction of the western world with Bollywood I’ve gotten the best gift I could hope for.

Suneel Darshan: “The two scripts that I’m currently writing are my humble gifts to myself. Hopefuly the love and acceptance that these two films will get would be the gift that I get from them.

Arshad Warsi: “The only Diwali gift I want is for my films to do well. As for my friends and family, they can have whatever they like. Jaan haazir hai.

Nandana Sen: “The one gift that I’d like to give and receive this Diwali is more time to spend with my mother.”

Randeep Hooda: “Love, love and love. That’s what I need for Diwali and that’s what I need to give also. And why only for Diwali? I need it for Holi, Christmas and Eid as well. Any takers?

Koena Mitra: “I’ve got special Ganeshji pendants made for my friends and staff. I’ll send these with mithai. I love candles and can’t receive enough of them. I love giving and getting gifts during Diwali. In fact I got lots of gifts this Diwali and didn’t mind at all (wink). But please, no sweets for me!

Amrita Arora: “I’ll be gifting my dad a laptop for Diwali. I don’t know what I’ll be getting, though.”

Priyanka Chopra: “My family and I are supposed to move into our new home. Unfortuately the home couldn’t be ready on Diwali. But we’ll be moving by month-end and that’s Diwali gift enough for us. Jahan pe basera ho diwali wohi hain

Mahesh Bhatt: “I’d love to gift my wife Soni Razdan a script this Diwali.She’s directing a film for UTV and I’m working on the script. And I want EMI to gift me with a hat-trick of hits for our production house.

Sophie Chowdhary: “I just bought my dream home. So now two things remain. My dream role and, even tougher, my dream man. Anyone wants to gift me that? As for giving I believe in giving as good as I get.

Dino Morea: “Without meaning to sound righteous, I’d like to gift a poor family something to make this Diwali brighter.”

Sweet.

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So says John Abraham…or something like that. It’s called manipulation people. which is what people like me do to get your attention.

In a recent interview, he was asked about all the rumours that have been circulated about him and various co-stars that John isn’t supposed to be getting along with. Here’s the extract:

What about your problems with Arshad?
It’s sad when untruths are written about me. I’ve faith in the audience, people know me. I want people who read this interview to know I’m not a vindictive person. I’m not going to sit here and clarify my non-existent problems.

Every one in the unit would vouch for that. Neither Arshad nor I has spoken against one another. But obviously the stories of our fights are coming from somewhere. I have no clue who’s spreading them. I’ve been out of the country and pretty much disconnected with what’s being said and spread.

Do you think your general inaccessibility fuels such stories?
It’s true I’m inaccessible to the media when I’m shooting abroad. So I’m sure the stories come from those who are accessible from abroad. You know what I mean?

When I’m consumed by my work I don’t like to focus on other things. So far I was taken up with Goal in London. Now I plan to disappear for two months somewhere I South India to shoot Nagesh Kukunoor’s Aashayen.

Even Bipasha was dragged into your supposed fight with Arshad.
Bipasha is a woman of substance. She tells it like it is. Everything is black or white for her. We’re both straight, honest and clean. That’s all I want to say about this.

Earlier you were supposed to have problems with Salman…
I personally have no problems with anybody. I don’t speak against anyone, not to be politically correct but because I feel no negativity for anyone.

One reason why I’m surviving in the film industry is because I feel no sense of insecurity. I enjoy my space. I enjoy what I’m doing. I want my films to be inspirational. I want people to go back from No Smoking,and Aashayen and Goal entertained and enlightened.

Ok folks, so there you have it, with no manipulation from my side. Except did you notice how quickly he changed the subject from Salman Khan to talk about his movies. I’m sure he has something to hide!

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Playing a bad actor? Wow, I wonder who should do the job? Arshad Warsi of course, he’s a terrible actor! Ok, well, I’m joking, he’s not, he’s quite funny. But he’s funnier on-screen because his jokes here are quite unfunny. Get a script-writer man!

The funny-man will be acting in a new movie, a remake of some other movie and it will be called Shortcut. Get it, shortcut? Because the director is taking a shortcut by not making an original movie. Yes, I get puns.

“You see, in a film to be produced by Anil Kapoor I’m supposed to play a very very bad actor who becomes a very very big star.”

“It’s a genuine dilemma. Am I capable of playing a bad actor. Can I even fake such a horrific circumstance? But jokes aside, I’m looking forward to this film because I team up with Akshaye Khanna again after Priyadarshan’s Hulchal.

Akshaye plays a film director. But my role is to die for. I play this super-sleazeball….cunning, corny and capable of going to any extent to get my way. On top of it all, my character is terrible at his job,”

“Playing a bad actor will be as tough for me as dancing badly. Believe it or nuts, Raj Kumar Hirani forced me to dance badly in the first Munnabhai film because my character was supposed to be rather clumsy. I guess if I managed to be convincing as a bad dancee I can swing the bad actor. But it’ll require all my acting skills, ha!”

Haha Arshad, you’re such a witty monkey.

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