SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

I think in one of Shah Rukh Khan’s first movies, he played a villain. He didn’t do a very good job of strangling the chick…don’t ask me what was going on, I just saw little bits of it while channel-surfing. Now he’s going back to those humble roots and is in talks to play the bad guy in Krrish 2. Rakesh Roshan hasn’t said anything about Shah Rukh Khan taking the role yet but has said that the villain isn’t going to be an ordinary man as Naseerudin Shah was in Krrish, but a super-villain with his own superpowers.

"This time the anti-hero will be as powerful as the hero. See, 'Krrish' saw the birth of the superhero. Now we'll see the superhero combating other forces,"

Obviously they want SRK for other reasons, not because his new freaky face, but because his production house has the best special effects department (Question: Why? Do they need to use special effects for Shah Rukh’s tears?) and the Roshan’s are hoping that they can use it for their next movie which will obviously be full of kicking, punching and flying. Other rumours also say that Deepika Padukone will be opposite Hrithik Roshan…but now a days, every new movie has Deepika as the potential lead, so I wouldn’t pay too much attention to it.

Don’t you hate the class show off? The one that would claim that they failed an exam terribly and then walk around with an 88% paper saying how unexpected it was and they never even studied. I hate those guys…Kareena Kapoor is just as annoying though, except her tactics are a bit different. After a few months of poverty and flop-films, she had stopped attacking other actresses/actors or telling us how great she was, and frankly, that was a relief. Just like when the annoying kid with the exam paper fell down the stairs and broke both his legs…I had nothing to do with it…except it was my bag that he had fallen over…it was a co-incidence, promise. Well, just like how I felt when the kid made a full recovery is how I feel now that Bebo has found her feet again and is pissing us all off again.

Mumbai Mirror: Many young ones are breathing down your neck. Priyanka, Bipasha… Kareena: I said 'actresses' Mumbai Mirror: They are actresses… Kareena: I only consider Rani to be an actress.

Besides herself of course. Is this as painful for you to read as it is for me to write? Kareena is as good an actress as Britney Spears is a parent…nuff said. I can’t wait for her next movie to be a flop so things can go back to normal. And that’s it for today. Have a good day everyone, I’m off. Until tomorrow, Salaam Namaste!

It’s always tough to lose a parent or any other loved one, even if they had been sick for a while. Amitabh Bachchan lit the funeral pyre of his mother Teji Bachchan on Saturday. Mrs. Bachchan died on Friday after a long illness that had kept her in the hospital for the last year. She was cremated at the Juhu Cremation Ground, where the family was in attendance along with some other folks.

“Several dignitaries,including former Vice President Bhairon Singh Shekhawat, actor Vivek Oberoi, industrialist Anil Ambani, Samajwadi Party leader Amar Singh and film director Pehlaj Nihlani were in attendance.”

Question…why is Vivek Oberoi classified as a dignitary? He’s a C-list actor. And while the gesture is nice of him, I wonder how Abhishek Bachchan feels that his wife’s ex-boyfriend came to his Dadi’s funeral. May she rest in peace. The old bird lived to a nice ripe age of 90. Too bad Ash couldn’t give her a grandkid before she passed away. For shame Aishwarya, for shame!

This Christmas is certainly not the merriest for Hrithik Roshan, not only did he have to get his knee treated after a torn ligament, even that treatment had to be cut short when he had to return to Mumbai to deal with some other delays with the release of Jodhaa-Akbar. There is still no set date for the music release of the film, important in Bollywood as the viewers get a feel of the film, and the music is released usually a few months before the release of the film itself. So ix-nay the 25th of January date I gave you guys for the film release, because it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. Director Ashutosh Gowariker is having some serious trouble as well, the poor guy has not only thrown out his back (hey, this movie isn’t cursed, is it? Like Macbeth? Or the Curse of the Pharaohs?) and is having the hardest time deciding which of the expensive scenes get to stay in the movie and which get cut to keep the movie under 3 hours. Do it quickly dude, and then release the directors cut DVD as well and you can have your five-hour long Jodhaa-Akbar-fest. Five hours of Hrithik Roshan…good. Five hours of his mustache…not that good.

Apologies for the delayed updates. Keeping a website up and running when you're on holiday isn't the easiest thing in the world. But on I shall strive and maybe I'll be rich some day...Um, I mean, maybe I'll be influencing the lives and views of millions of people some day. Yeah, that sounds noble enough. So, moving on. Firstly, Merry Christmas to everyone. Hope you have a brilliant day full of joy, expensive presents and goodwill towards men and women and hermaphrodites. Yep, that’s truly classy of me but what else do you expect? Secondly, Akshay Kumar is a pain in the ass for reviewers who usually give his movies major thumbs down while the audience’s love it. So what does this tell us? That local audiences have no taste in movies and are entertained by the banal and unrealistic crap that usually happens in his movies? Or do reviewers take themselves too seriously and forget that movies are made especially to entertain and acting/plot/script are secondary as long as the people are happy? Welcome has been a huge hit and despite coming out late in the year, it will still be counted as one of the highest grossing movies of 2007. Yet, reviewers gave it one star and one even said it wasn’t worthy of a review…harsh. Akshay just laughs though…and why shouldn’t he? He’s the one who’s counting the crores. He’s done four comedies this year and all of them have been hits, despite being panned by critics. You know, I actually have no idea what the word ‘panned’ actually means. I know it isn’t good news for the movie but yeah. Aah, it’s good to be a blogger.

Oh wait, she isn't boring...she's just bored. That's not the same thing. Katrina Kaif is a woman of substance however and her caring soul will make sure that while she's bored, we'll all be dragged down with her. Ah, her kindness brings tears to my eyes...oh wait, that's because I keep stabbing myself in Dobby-like punishment for writing about Katrina...again. Let's just get this over and done with...Katrina is sick and tired of comedies where she plays the sweet and innocent girl (read: spoilt and annoying brat) and wants to do roles with more substance, along the lines of Rani Mukherjee. Speaking about comedies, her roles in them and what she wants in her future, Kat says,

"I've done a series of them. Even Namaste London was comic, though it offered me a brilliant role. I got a shock when I saw how much of me was there. At least there I was doing the comedy. More often than not the girl just hangs around in our comedies. I've done that repeatedly from my first film Maine Pyar Kyun Kiya …It does get a bit boring." "If you see the new actresses in recent films like Om Shanti Om and Saawariya, they've come in accompanied by a lot of hype. Every actor has a different career path. Some come in quietly like I do. Others come in with a lot of hype. That wasn't the case with me. And I'm very happy with that." "Enough is enough, otherwise audiences would start to believe that being a prop in comedy films is all I can do. I need to progress from playing the sweet simple girl in comedy films. At the same time I'm aware nobody gets a series of women-oriented roles in this industry except maybe Rani. It took her so long to get there."

Seeing is believing and until she does any role besides the comedy prop, why give her any credit? Moving on...oh wait, this is the last post of the week. So moving out...have a brilliant weekend everyone and once again, Eid Mubarak to our readers who are celebrating a bit later. Toodles...

That's what you call a person who sells their body for money, right? Shah Rukh Khan really knows how to peddle his own ass as now, obviously as the King of Bollywood, he can charge a helluva stash of cash to appear at whatever function you might be having. Yes people, should you want to make your marriage a special event and if you have some spare change, in the range of about 10 million rupees, then you can have your very own Shah Rukh to regale you with his presence and maybe a rendition of 'Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge'. Since weddings have lost all sacredness and are, like any other event, a chance to show off then getting Shah Rukh there would be a good step. Market figures say that the bigger the celeb, the more you pay for them, but the more cool you are at the end of the day. I can see the ad for it now: Tired of the same boring weddings? Want to kill someone after hearing the 'dholki' again? Want to be different or just have a wedding theme screaming 'Look how much money we have!'? Well then, you might want to try out rent-a-celeb! For an affordable fee (affordable to the filthy rich, that is), you can get your favourite singers or actors to be a part of your special day! Screw quiet family engagements, when you can have your own 'tamasha', with stars like Shah Rukh Khan, Celina Jaitley, Diya Mirza, Shaan and so many more. No one will ever forget your wedding, unless the Patel's next door got a bigger star...so rent the best you can...even if you can't, get a loan and plunge your family into life-long debt. After all, it's worth it for that special day when you're the one that bought Shah Rukh Khan! Rent-A-Celeb. Terms and Conditions apply. For more info, call 0800 HO-CELEB. Do I have a career in advertising or what?

Can you tell I'm not a fan of the Indian cricket team? No? Good, I was trying to be subtle. A few days ago, cricketer Yuvraj Singh celebrated his birthday, along with close friends, family and Deepika Padukone. I think that's just about enough confirmation that their relationship exists and is pretty serious. The two have been spotted at numerous spots around India, beginning with his birthday, followed by a joint appearance at Ritesh Deshmukh's birthday party. According to sources, Deepika was very comfortable at Yuvraj's bash and got along with his family. The two partied it up nicely at Ritesh's where Yuvraj was invited at the last minute when Deepika informed Ritesh that Yuvraj was in town. And finally, it's been reported, though not confirmed (but who cares about that on SoggyCornflakes? We report biased and uninformed news all the time) that Deepika dropped off Yuvraj at the airport before he flew off to Melbourne with the rest of the Indian cricket team. And while I hope that India loses, Eid Mubarak to all our Muslim readers. May your day be joyful and blessed...and hope you don't get too much blood on you if you're sacrificing. Those are my sweet wishes to you.

January 15th is a special day for not King Khan...that is, Salman Khan, because his statue will be unveiled at Maddame Tussauds Wax museum on the day. Initially he refused the statue but after fans voted him as the Indian celeb they want to see in there, beating Hrithik Roshan, Priyanka Chopra, Abhishek Bachchan and others, Salman finally agreed. Obviously, he donated a pair of clothes to add to the authenticity and said in a video message to Madame Tussauds',

"I am touched and honored that my fans have chosen me to appear in the prestigious Madame Tussauds. I look forward to visiting and coming face-to-face with my likeness,"

Sallu will be appearing with his shirt off, right? C'mon, it wouldn't be authentic if he didn't! While Salman sucks up to his fans, other people suck up to Salman and no, I'm not talking about Katrina Kaif or Govinda. Actor Aseem Merchant is acting with Salman in some action flick and talks about Salman's immense talent when he sketched him.

"He made a sketch of me. It's so beautiful, so life-like and professional, I feel Salman can shape into one of our best artistes in the country."

-Roll eyes-...everyone's a kiss-ass.

After the whole long hullabaloo about whether Faisal Khan had lost his mind or not (which was never actually resolved), Tahir Hussain (the parent that insisted that his youngest offspring was not nuts and his oldest was the spawn of Satan) has done an about turn on the whole issue. Well, just the part that gets Aamir some extra publicity as his new movie comes out. Accusations that Aamir had tortured/imprisoned his younger brother are so in the back-burner now as Aamir makes more and more attempts to bring out the press for Taare Zameen Par. Reports say he tried to patch things up with Amitabh Bachchan and now he's patched things up with his father who tells us all in this obviously rehearsed speech.

"Yes, Aamir did show me the film a few days ago but it was not the final copy. Aamir called me to his preview theatre at his office and showed me the entire film. Although the mixing and post-production work was still on, I could make out that the film is brilliant. The film is very absorbing and it shows how brilliant Aamir is as a director. My son was always a very good actor but I am happy to see that he is also an equally sensible director."

And the problems they had before?

"That’s a thing of the past now. I agree that there were certain misunderstandings but not anymore. We are all one now. I love all my children equally and I am proud of the fact that Aamir has worked hard for his success and deserves all his achievements."

It's like when terrorists make you talk in front of the camera and tell the world how much you hate America...or how the Jews control everything...or how Shah Rukh Khan is Michael Jackson's brother...or how Faisal Khan really is insane. The Shah Rukh Khan bit is so true though.