SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

You totally can’t get away with tax fraud, since everyone is just waiting for you to pay up.

This year, Akshay Kumar has been the unlucky actor, paying 260 million rupees in tax (that’s 26 crore, if you wanna use Hindi measurements). He beat Shah Rukh Khan and Hrithink Roshan, plus other sports players (I don’t see the Indian cricket players getting much…their Twenty20 has been dismal, despite a flukey win over Pakistan).

But since Shah Rukh Khan and Amitabh Bachchan haven’t returned their tax return invoice thingies, it’s estimated that SRK will be paying the most tax this year. How can India complain of poverty when actors are throwing this much money at the government?

Idiot…

Like he’s not annoying enough on the show, Karan Johar is now gonna tell us who he thought was best on his show, by presenting the Koffee Awards. That’s like having your own mini-Oscars, or IIFA, whichever industry you wanna look at, but instead of looking at talent, charm or skill, he’s gonna present the awards for whoever said the stupidest line…or something like that.

Tha categories are:
Most Glamorous Male (read: whoever Karan would want)
Most Glamorous Female (who Karan would want if he wasn’t gay)
Best Debut Male (Celebrity making an appearance for the first time on Season 2)
Best Debut Female
Best Supporting Appearance (Celebrity who features in the latter half of the episode as a surprise!)
Best Rapid Fire - male
Best Rapid Fire - female
Best Line of The Season (whoever said the stupidest thing)

Karan won’t be deciding all the winners himself, he has Malaika Arora Khan and some other people I haven’t heard of to help him. I think the season finale happened on the 16th…so who won?

But still, all the signs are pointing at a Kareena-Shahid break-up. So how should I celebrate? Eat lots of chocolate? Drink until I have the guts to stalk Shahid or have a big ‘I love Shahid and hate Kareena’ party?

While Shahid Kapoor is God knows where, Kareena Kapoor is having a good time with Saif Ali Khan (the new Bollywood playa). The two were recently spotted out with friends, though they were mostly involved in themselves, with Saif being very affectionate, hugging and complimenting Kareena (complimenting her on what? Another flop film? Yeah yeah, I haven’t seen Jab We Met yet {hey, that rhymes!} but I’m assuming it’s gonna suck).

By the way, so sorry that you haven’t been getting updates for the last two days. Our ISP is so screwing around and we are not amused! So until then, you will have to do with the occasional updates until they sort their act out or we blow the up. I know blowing them up wouldn’t get our ADSL back, but there’ll be a big explosion. BOOM!

I don’t know how many of you are waiting with bated breath for Jodha Akbar, and how many of you have turned blue and fainted already, but you can carry on fainting because you aren’t getting the movie until the end of January next year.

The movie stars Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai, seen together again after Dhoom 2 and I’m pretty sure that there aren’t any sticky, spitty kisses in this movie.

The reason they’re taking so long is because the movie is supposed to have a long post-production phase. The best part is watching the movie!

Amitabh Bachchan I mean, who’s still doing his own stunts at age 65, which is quite cool, considering that he should be sitting in a wheelchair somewhere. But Amitabh jumped off a building or something and years ago, he had tried that same stunt in his youth and had gotten an almost fatal injury.

“I think far too much is being made out of the stunt. Yes, every action- stunt has its potential dangers and action directors take adequate precautions and follow safety routines.

You could slip and fall while walking ordinarily and break a bone and conversely, not get a scratch by jumping off a building for a film action sequence. The one I did for Bhootnath was relatively safe.

But because of my recent surgery and my several other complicated medical conditions, there was an obvious anxiety. However things went off without incident. Thank God.”

But Amitabh, like all grown-up’s, feels that he’s invincible and no matter what he’s doing, his kids aren’t allowed to do the same thing.

“I would not permit Abhishek to do his own stunts. I always ask him to use discretion and take immense precaution.”

How come you didn’t ask him to do that before marrying Aishwarya?

We’ve seen a multitude of Miss India’s making it in Bollywood, Aishwarya Rai, Priyanka Chopra, Tunushree Dutta, Sushmita Sen…or at least you need to win some beauty pageant to get into the industry, as the above have done.

Now you’ll get to see Miss India 2003 Nikita Anand in a new movie and she’s reported to be the next big thing; as most new actresses are. You can judge for yourself: her new movie is Dil Dosti Etc.

On the other hand, Miss India 2007 feels that Bollywood is below her and she won’t take anything below Hollywood.

Sarah Jane Dias, Femina Miss India-World says:

“I am not really interested in Bollywood. What attracts me is Hollywood,”

So when will we see her in the latest Wal-Mart ad?

You wouldn’t think that a rich filmi family would be in such need of money, but they are! Sunny Deol and his dad Dharmendra have been told to appear in court on the 11th of October in connection with a cheque dishonour case.

Sunny reportedly borrowed 10 lakh rupees (1 million) from some dude and said he would pay it back as soon as his movie Big Brother was released. the movie came out and no money was returned, despite repeated reminders. Sunny then gave the man 2 cheques of half a million each, but both could not be cashed because ‘payment was withheld from drawer’.

So now Sunny and his dad are being dragged to court to pay up. But I know they will…it’s so sad. I miss the punishments from the good old days when you had your toenails extracted until you screamed out where you had hidden your money.

And I don’t mean Shah Rukh Khan above.

Barry John, an acting teacher, tells us about teaching Shah Rukh to act. I assume he’s being sarcastic or he really needs to get a new job, because Shah Rukh can’t act. He just walks around on screen and Indian women love him, that’s his charm!

Barry says that he knew SRK would be a star:

“He had an unmatched zest to learn, he was extremely committed and put in a lot of effort, just like he does today for any project. He’s a director’s dream,”

Ya ya, so maybe Shah Rukh is committed etc, but the only reason he can get away with bad acting and others can’t is because he’s reached star status…so whatever Shah Rukh does is perfect.

So Barry, should I shoot you or can I just give you the gun?

Either Kangana Ranaut has a big head or she’s just become really choosy about her films. The actress was offered a chance to work with Rakesh Roshan and while any other girl would have jumped at the chance, Kangana said no, because she didn’t feel that she had enough scope since there was 4 male leads.

Dumb girl. When there’s 4 guys and 1 girl, who do you think all the guys will be looking at?

But Rakesh was pretty nice about the whole thing. When his persuasion didn’t work, he accepted her decision gracefully and said he would work with her in the future. Awww, so sweet.

Kangana says:

“I won’t say I wasn’t tempted. Who doesn’t want to work with Mr Rakesh Roshan? I’d have been happy to be part of Krazy 4 because I am dying to do a comedy.

Sadly there was little scope for me to perform. When I expressed my misgivings Mr Roshan was very nice. Very different from some other filmmakers who turn nasty when you decline to do their films.”

The role has now gone to Dia Mirza. You snooze, you lose Kangana.

Sorry for the late updates, the cricket is keeping me away. I seriously have to start updating earlier in the day! Congrats to Pakistan and their fans for a haphazard, if effective performance. Seriously well done to Zimbabwe for scraping past Australia, it was so much fun to watch.

Now, enough about the cricket. Rani Mukherji is acting with Jaya Bachchan and Abhishek Bachchan in Laga Chunri Mein Daag but all is not well on the set, because the Bachchan’s, besides Abhishek are giving Rani a hard time. The actress has a good chemistry with Abhishek, but his wife Ash and mom are not amused. Ash is often on the set and usually ends up snubbing Rani.

Awww children, why can’t you all play nice?