SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

Not literally a beard of course, since he could never grow anything so masculine, but Karan Johar has a back-up, just in case he can't get away with being gay. Karan Johar was speaking about his childhood, and his affinity with Ekta Kapoor because they were both overweight kids who's parents didn't expect much from them. He says:

"I don't think our parents ever thought we could make much of our lives. Ekta, I believe was seen more as the eternal couch potato than someone who'd one day be weaning millions to become couch potatoes. I think she wanted to be a journalist at one point. So did I. At one point I even strayed into acting as a child." "Both Ekta and I were very maladjusted very overweight kids. Today we've both turned out rather well. Our parents must be proud of us. I'm as proud of her as she's of me. We bond as people who evolved almost simultaneously from wastrels to people who could make a difference." "I don't think I ever will find the right partner. If finally neither Ekta nor I find someone else we'll marry each other," "At least my mother will be very happy. Not only because I'll finally get married. But also because she'll get to to know the plot line of her favourite serials from beforehand."

Did anyone notice how he said 'partner' and not 'woman'? I'm not reading between the lines but this just screams homosexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that...but there is something wrong with Karan Johar.

Shah Rukh Khan's upcoming Om Shanti Om is set to come out on 9 November. This date puts him up against Sanjay Leela Bhansali's, Saawariya. And apparently Shah Rukh is trying to make sure that he comes out on top. Rediff.com reports,

The latest on this front is that apparently, Shah Rukh Khan is trying to get as many prints of Om Shanti Om released as possible, thus cornering the marquee and ensuring that Saawariya does not get the same kind of mileage. Shah Rukh is acknowledged within the industry as being the badshah when it comes to marketing his films, and will pull out all the stops when he has to -- as Sajid Nadiadwala discovered last year, when Khan's Don went up against Nadiadwala's Jaaneman. The Khan mounted a publicity blitz so pervasive, Don blanked Jaaneman out of the public mind altogether -- it was almost as if the Nadiadwala film wasn't even in theatres. Ergo, Don had a great initial; Jaaneman lost out in that race, and could never recover from the blow.

You know... I hope Saawariya does well. Firstly because Ranbir Kapoor doesn't sound half as arrogant as the rest of his illustrious family (Although I suppose that's because he doesn't have any hits yet) and also... Anil Kapoor's daughter is strangely hot... more so when you consider Anil Kapoor is her father... I mean... I was a bit taken aback when I noticed she didn't have any facial hair. Also... Any person who wears a glittering shirt saying Om Shanti Om to a cricket match deserves to be humiliated. Badly... I'm talking about you Shah Rukh!

Obviously, I'm not one to judge about people's beliefs...though some people feel they are entitled to tell others what to do. One of them is my teddy bear and the other ones are the religious scholars from Daarul-Ifta Manzare school in India. I'm not sure how much power either of them have...You can't tell me what to do, Dude! (Dude is my teddy bear). While no-one's ever questioned Salman Khan's drinking and homicidal urges and how these relate to the Muslim religion, these guys have finally spoken up when Salman went to a festival honouring Lord Ganesh, a Hindu god on Tuesday. They feel that Salman's crossed some boundaries and his faith is in serious question. So Salman has to reaffirm his faith in front of an Imam and two witnesses. Religious scholar Nafeez Khan says:

"Be it a pauper or a king, everyone has to follow the dictates of Islam -- nobody has been given the exemption to bypass the tenants of the religion,"

That's deep man, but you're gonna have to be sneaky to get Salman to come to you. How about promising him free beer?

Amisha Patel is not having a good time. Her last movie flopped at the box office and just in case she's unlucky, the director and producer decided it was better that she wasn't shown on promotional posters and CD's. The result is a very pissed off Amisha. Amisha is the lead in the movie with Akshay Kumar (who by the way seems to be everywhere now a days, he's like the parasite of Bollywood). Unfortunately, Amisha is shown as second string, pictured away from Akshay and Vidya (who's the love interest of second lead male Shiney Ahuja) is shown right next to the main man. Amisha is seriously not amused, but can't do much about it right now, since the posters and other junk have already been printed. Director Priyadarshan comments about the covers but fails to explain why his lead actress was shown this way.

"I have seen the posters and the CD covers you are referring to, and if Amisha is hurt and feels let down then she has every right to be. These kind of things do let you down."

Is this a not so subtle way of saying "You suck but I'm sorry"?

It's a Monday and the subcontinent starts it's week off with a heart-stopping match between Pakistan and India for the Twenty20 World Cup Final. Too bad Sports was shut-down, I would have loved to talk about the match. I'd also love to swear at the team I hated but I have to stay unbiased, and hey, we can't have it all. Though connected with Bollwood, Shah Rukh Khan flew all the way to Johannesburg, South Africa to catch the final and support India. Unfortunately, he looked quite gay while doing it. Sorry I couldn't find a picture for you, but King Khan appeared half way through the 2nd innings, wearing a purple velvet jacket (despite the sweltering heat) and very non-promotionally, a black t-shirt to promote his new film Om Shanti Om. He was sporting his 'I haven't been to the hairdresser in a while' locks and had tied a little ponytail. Most annoying was blowing kisses to the crowd. Obviously, it was the magical powers in his kisses that allowed India to win the match, because without those small whiffs of love and admiration, they would have lost man, they would have lost! I mean, did you notice when Shah Rukh started blowing kisses, Pakistan wickets started to fall? I think India should get Shah Rukh as their own little mascot, like a superstar cupid, bringing hope to Indian cricket.

You know, Devdas is one of the most pointless movies ever...it has no happy ending, no point and no redeeming features, except telling you not to drink enough to give yourself liver disease and not getting married for money, because in the end your husband won't love you and he'll lock you up for still being in love with your childhood sweetheart. Very important life lessons, those are, yes. But if you liked Shah Rukh Khan and Aishwarya Rai in Devdas, don't watch Sudhir Mishra's version, because you won't see Devdas die. Well, that would make sense since it's supposed to be set in modern times and so it's unlikely that someone will die from cirrhosis because there's liver transplants now, something that Shah Rukh Khan didn't have the privilege of. Also, this time around, he really will hook up with Chandramukhi, using the tried and tested method of getting over an emotional and heart-wrenching break-up with your girlfriend: Sleep with a hooker.

Nach Baliye 3 should be fun, especially since Rakhi Sawant is sure she's going to win. But hey, even immense and unending talent as Rakhi's needs some competition and cat fights and that will be coming from Kashmira Shah. Kashmira and her boyfriend managed to get full points in the episode, adding salt to the wounds when she told Rakhi that no-one would be interested in her since she has gotten her implants removed. :-O. Rakhi had implants?! Oh my word, I totally didn't know. Wow, who would have thought that the Rakhi Sawant, the epitome of all that is classy would have implants. Her doctor must be brilliant...you so couldn't tell! Kash says that she never dissed Rakhi and Rakhi talks about other random things that no-one really cares about.

"I have so much fire that you cannot handle it, and whenever I am on stage I act without considering the circumstances. So I think people will be interested in my dance and not anything else. I am ready to face any sort of challenge."

Yes Rakhi, you are hot, hot, hot. You make normal girls like us want to throw ourselves off bridges and buildings because we know, no matter how hard we try, we'll never match up to your grace, charm and elegance.

In an interview with Subhash K Jha, Rakhi Sawant reveals that she wants her boyfriend Abhishek something-or-another to be as big a star as she is... umm... right... Here's a transcript of the interview:

How does it feel to be Rakhi Sawant? Shall I tell you something? I'm doing a dance competition with my boyfriend Abhishek. Today he's not as well-known as I am. Just like John and Bipasha earlier. It's said John got a lot of roles because of Bipasha. I want Abhishek to become a star. I'm working on it. Which dance competition? I'm not supposed to tell you. But chalo I can't keep anything inside me. It's Nach Baliye Part 3. Every time I enter the sets, the other contestants say they want their money back and drop out. Jahan pe Rakhi sawant aur usska boyfriend hai, wahan unka koi chance nahin hai….that's how they feel. Everyone feels I'm going to win for sure. I feel goood about winning. But do I want to win at the cost of offending the others? Am I over-confident or are the other girls around me insecure? Maybe they grudge you your success? Do they know how hard I work? I get up at 8 in the morning and work like mad till 10 in the night. I'm rehearsing day and night for the next five days for Nach Baliye…and look at my good fortune. Do you know I've been signed by Rakesh Roshanji to do an item song in Krazy 4. I had tears my eyes when Rakesh Roshanji called. I wept in front of God wondering what kind of a miracle this is. But Rakesh Roshan has only given you an item song? So what?! It's a big banner. Did you ever dream of being mobbed like a 22-carat star? Jee maine bilkul socha tha. I always knew there was something very special about me. Imagine a girl who fought with her parents, fought with everyone in her life, struggled for eight years to get where she wanted and finally forced God to smile on her destiny…you have to agree there has to be something special about me. Mujhe pehle se pataa tha kuch na kuch hoga meri zindagi mein. Your stardom is a freak case. You can say that again. Lots of strugglers and aspirants get tired and give up the struggle. But I kept at it. I started by doing item songs and bit roles. Even if I earned Rs 25,00 per day I could sustain myself. I chose to do small roles instead of sitting at home. I wasn't a star-daughter with a producer-father willing to gamble crores away on me. Nobody big came to sign me at the start. Nobody knew me. Today for the promotional campaign of your new film you get mobbed the most, above stalwarts like Om Puri and Anupam Kher.Do you feel vindicated? If that's true, then I'm thankful to God. I'm the darling of the media. I'm media-made. They felt I spoke my heart, that I was bindaas. The media shows both my good deeds and bad deeds. Somewhere they feel I've got my act right. Today your popularity equals any of the big stars. True. Earlier I didn't get any respect from within the film industry. Now even if I do get respect it is done in a very grudging way. I'm considered a bechari. Please don't feel sorry for me because I'm from a poor home. So what if I come from a modest background? So what if I didn't have a father or a godfather to support me? I'm a self-made girl. I wanted to be successful on my own terms, no matter how bindaas and bold I had to be to achieve this. In this industry no one gives you roti for nothing. One has to earn it. Are the heroines nice to you? The heroines are specially reluctant to acknowledge my stardom. Yeah, some like Rani, Bipasha and Ayesha Takia have been kind. Shilpa Shetty loves me like anything. When she came to do a show for television she came to my set and sat there and watched me dance. She told me she was encouraged to go on Bigg Brother after watching me on Big Boss. But on the whole I'm not given the respect I deserve.

It must be nice to live in imagination land... Because I really don't know what dream world Rakhi is living on, talking about her "stardom"... She sucks! The only roles she gets are the whores that try to tempt the good Indian boy before he's tamed by the (far prettier) traditional Indian girl. Obviously (In Rakhi's mind) that deserves a lot of respect... She must be shocked that she hasn't gotten a call from Steven Spielberg yet... He's obviously jealous of Rakhi's insane talent.

Let's blame the Taliban! Or Al Queda...America, you know where they are...fetch! Nah, I'm joking. India should never be invaded...unless it's by Pakistan (hehe, joke, again). Anyways, Manish Archarya had the fright of his life when he discovered that his new comedy film starring Shabana Azmi was sabotaged and the entire soundtrack was ruined three days before his film was supposed to hit theaters. He says:

"I was on the way to Shabana's house with my birthday gift for her when God decided to gift me with a jolt from the blue. I made a casual call to my assistants asking if the prints were in order. I was told the sound parameters were slightly off. My antennae went up and I decided to check the prints myself before reaching Shabana's. To my horror I discovered the sound to have been reduced to a flat mono-level as though it was recorded through an amateur departmental-store recording device. By then I was in a state of utter panic.My release was three days away. There was no way I could release the film in that condition." "As if someone had deliberately done it. It couldn't have happened accidently. It was a systematic scratch," "Where and how did this sabotage happen? "The initial recording was done at Raj Kamal studios. The sound was fine then. I had checked.Then it went to Prasad Studios…The rectification was done overnight at Q Lab. They opened all their doors for me and I sat with the sound engineers till 3 am in the morning. Otherwise we wouldn't have made it into theatres on Friday."

So, let's review. Suspects: People who hate Bollywood movies or films in general, people who don't like Manish's films, people who don't like Shabana Azmi, some random guy who screwed up in the sound department but was too scared to some forward. Motive: Want to stop Manish's film, want to stop Shabana terrorizing the populance. This would make more sense if it was a Rakhi or Kareena movie. Bad sabotage man, shame on you!

Now don't get me wrong. I like Vidya Balan, I think she's cute and elegant...but in this industry, elegant usually means a bit past the time...yeah, that didn't make much sense. I'm not saying she's old or old looking, but Shahid Kapoor will probably look like a kid at 50, so his co-stars, unless you're really youthful, like Amrita Rao etc. So Vidya can't really say that she looks the same age or younger than Shahid, especially since she is a few years older than him.

"We're doing Aziz Mirza's film together. Aziz Saab makes such wonderful working-class romances. As for Shahid, people are raising the question of our on-screen compatibility. All I'll say is, wait and see."

Um, ok. So how long do I have to wait? When asked about her relationship with her co-stars, she says:

"Only a professional relationship. After Salaam-e-Ishq we're doing one more film together. We don't share a social life after working hours. But I guess since we had lots of fun on the sets, people have been talking about our bonding. I just hope people don't start whispering about me and Shahid. Such loose talk gets awkward when your co-star is attached elsewhere."

Well, we all know Shahid and Kareena are still together because he shouts from the rooftops about his immense love for her.