SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

I can’t believe we were so blind! While we spent the years wow-ing over Shahid Kapoor and Amrita Rao, there was a diamond in the rough in our very midst! People, I am proud…no, honoured…no, privileged to present the most awesomest chick in the history of awesome chicks. Miss Rakhi Sawant!

In her latest movie Buddha Mar Gaya (Buddha is Dead), the comedy is taken to new levels of crapness and crass and guess who’s in the heart of it? Our Miss Rakhi! Aren’t you all so proud?

Anupam Kher plays the dead Buddha (they needed someone to play the dead guy? Ok, that makes sense) and he says:

“All I can say is, Buddha Mar Gaya isn’t a comedy for the squeamish. The gags include old songs on the soundtrack which the producer has acquired legally. These include three songs from Omkara and my theme song is Yeh duniya utpataanga from my recent film Khosla Ka Ghosla.”

And when asked about Rakhi’s role, he replied while smoking a funny smelling cigarette…it looked like he was smoking grass wrapped in paper…wow, celebs and their fads. He says:

“I must admit I’m stunned by Rakhi Sawant’s star power. At all our media promotional events and everywhere they’ve taken us, Rakhi was mobbed by hysterical crowds. Let’s not get snobbish about her stardom, like we did about Himesh Reshammiya. Both are the darling of the public and we might as well face it,”

Yes, he’s so right people. All hail Rakhi!

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Yes, you’re probably wondering why I’m writing about people who nobody cares about and that’s because, well, I just felt it was my duty to give these people their two minutes of fame on the site and…-snigger- Ok, I can’t even type that with a straight face. Ther’s just not alot of news doing the rounds today, so I’m doing my best here.

Yuvraj and Twinkle (Does anyone know who they are? Does anyone care?) are supposed to be actors in some serial Betiyaan (Daughters), except that they do less mediocre acting and more attention whoring. The two supposedly play lovers but fight alot on set and their latest fight led to Yuvraj slitting his wrists.

Clever guy. This world isn’t worth living in sometimes.

Oh, and the picture above? That’s not some random girl…It’s Twinkle whats-her-name…a random girl.

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Shefali Shah is infinitely happy because Rani Mukherji was nice enough to call and commend her on her performance in Ghandi My Father, even though they aren’t friends. I guess that was nice of Rani but what’s the catch? There’s always a catch!

“It’s not as though Rani and I are friends or anything. She called me out of the blue and said, ‘You’re the first person I’m calling after seeing the film’. I felt so happy. Not because she is Rani Mukherjee. But because here was an actress reaching to another.”

She acts like it’s such a noble act. How hard is it to commend someone over something. If you can’t do it for real, then use facebook! Lazy bums.

Rani says:

“I just had to do it. When I saw the film I realized Shefali was overwhelming. Even though Gandhi My Father is a father-son story Shefali is exquisite. I just had to tell her that.”

Ok, good for Shefali and good for Rani. Now if we could just find someone who cared.

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Big Brother star, Shilpa Shetty is set to sue Jasveer Barton, a publicist that “represented” Shetty during her stay in the Big Brother house. The only problem was that Shilpa didn’t even know who she was. This didn’t stop Ms. Barton from sending legal notices to Shilpa demanding her cut of all Shilpa’s deals since leaving the house.

Shilpa’s agent, Dale Bhagwagar says,

“Now that Shilpa is world famous, Barton has been trying to extract money from her. She has been sending her legal notices, seeking a cut from Shilpa’s earnings. Barton’s demands are ridiculous, as Shilpa does not have any contract or agreement with her in the first place. By going to court, Shilpa is just protecting herself from her illegal claims.”

It must be fun to be crazy. You can just act like you represent anyone. But I don’t know why she chose to represent Shilpa… She should’ve come to people claiming to represent God, and then delivered her own form of divine justice… by stealing their wallets.

Kickass! High-Five!

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The current Ram Gopal Verma “it” girl, Nisha Kothari, is set to take the stage (screen?) again when RGV’s (Ram Gopal Verma people… keep up!) new flick (Ram Gopal Verma ki Aag) is released. New obviously just meaning it’s new in theatres. In reality it’s just a remake of Sholay. I know. I was shocked too… I mean Ram Gopal Verma remaking an old movie (badly) instead of thinking of something of his own. Shocking indeed.

Anyway, during an interview with the Times of India, when asked what she does with her free time, Nisha Kothari said,

“I either play video games, work out or catch up with my sleep. I don’t party at all. I am a traditional person and like to maintain a low profile. I have a long way to go and I am concentrating only on my work.”

When questioned what her traditions say about dressing like a cheap New York hooker, she replied,

“I have a beautiful body and can carry any outfit with grace. If I reveal or do intimate scenes that’s only because I am convinced the role needs it. The director has to convince me that the scene is required and I know that I look sexy and not vulgar donning a short skirt or hot pants. Had I been doing anything unethical, my parents would have objected to it, instead they are quite supportive.”

It’s a shame for Nisha actually. It seems every role she does requires her to show her “beautiful body”. You know what other jobs require you to show your body every time? A whore… or a stripper.

I’m not saying that Nisha Kothari is a whore or a stripper. I’m just saying she likes being naked and having people look at her. Kind of like a whore… or a stripper.

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Salman Khan is all set to play a negative role in Boney Kapoor’s, Wanted Dead or Alive. He will play the nemesis of Aseem Merchant who was seen in The Train…

Isn’t Salman Khan almost always negative? The bad boy come good? This is news?

I think the fact that I’m reporting crap like this, indicates that there’s still no real news available… Which indicates to me that Indian journalists are lazy bums. And they smell.

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I still don’t know what’s going on with Chak De India, whether it’s a hit or a flop, but it did do one thing. Give it’s actresses fifteen minutes of fame.

Vidya Malvade, the goalkeeper in the movie and somewhere in the picture above talks about Shah Rukh Khan and how great he is and how much she enjoyed working with him and how much she wants to jump his bones…ummm, I’m reading between the lines, ok?

”It was a fantastic experience working with SRK and the Yashraj banner. We all had a fabulous time and I guess it shows in the film as well.

Shah Rukh Khan is a magnificent actor and human being and he really went out his way to remove our nervousness and make us feel comfortable on the sets.”

She then thinks that she’s making a difference and maybe India will start embracing it’s hockey-ful roots and again.

“We really had a hard training schedule to learn playing hockey and after that I have realised that hockey players work so hard, yet are given such little recognition. It is a very tough sport with heavy uniforms and hard hitting equipment. I hope the film will inspire people to give our hockey team all the encouragement they need.”

Who knows, maybe one day hockey might get the same attention that cricket does…Not.

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Randeep Hooda was criticized by Bipasha Basu for driving like a maniac and almost hitting her and John. But some media sources (the lairs) reported that Bipasha thought Randeep’s driving was cool.

“And then they write that I was admiring the man’s driving! Am I mad to admire such rash driving?

To begin with, I don’t know Randeep at all. Someone drove rashly, scaring the hell out of me, John and our respective staff. At the time it happened we had no clue where that came from. We came to know later who it was.

At that time I was very angry with the person driving the car, not admiring him, as reported in a daily. I’m not too fond of drivers who use the roads like their personal kingdom. I don’t think it’s right to drive like crazy, specially in a crowded place where people are shooting a film. I think anyone does so, should apologize. ”

Jeez Woman, he almost hit you, he didn’t actually hurt you in any way, except the 3 seconds of mental trauma that you must have felt. How very scary for you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to stick my “Yes in fact, my father does own this road.” bumper sticker on my car.

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But it’s Indian independence day, and there’s no freakin’ news anywhere!

So… Happy Indian Independence Day! Hope to see you tomorrow!

(And Happy Pakistani Independence Day too… Sorry for the days delay… but it’s the thought that counts… right?)

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Shah Rukh Khan’s wife has finally decided to take advantage of her filmi connections by appearing in Farah Khan’s upcoming Om Shanti Om. Mrs. (Shah Rukh… I’m pretty sure Farah is straight) Khan is also producing the film and will appear in the end credits sequence.

Farah Khan says,

“She was supposed to shoot for me for Main Hoon Na too, but last time she ditched me because she was too shy to come in front of the camera, but this time she finally agreed. She said she’s doing it only for me but I am sure her husband had something to do with it since she’s the official producer of the film.”

That’s all you have to do, to get a part in a stinking Bollywood movie? Be Shah Rukh Khan’s wife!!?

So all those hours I spent posing naked outside Farah’s house were… for nothing? How could she?!! Especially after she called in an audience… getting my hopes up and all.

Sure the audience were the police. And sure they didn’t exactly “watch me” (Unless “watch” suddenly means “beat savagely with big sticks”… because if it does … They watched me for ages). But still… I thought it meant something.

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