SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

Whoo-freaking-hoo! Let’s all celebrate…khushiya manoa!…let’s have a party. Ok, whatever! But for all Sanjay Dutt fans, you’ll be happy to hear that the man is out of jail, at least for a little while. I think they might let him out to complete some movies before they throw him back in to rot.

The Supreme Court granted him interim bail on Monday but this is only a temporary relief.

He will be back behind bars once he gets the order of the judgement delievered by the TADA Court that could be as early as next month but for the moment his family and fans are celebrating.

It has been more than 20 days after he was sentenced to six years in jail by the TADA Court.

Does that mean more Munnabhai? No? Just gangster roles? Then throw him back in jail! No Munnabhai, no freedom!

Aishwarya Rai is taking her new married role to heart and has decided to be a demure ‘bahu’ (daughter in law) worthy of the Bachchan household. No more Dhoom 2 look and no more lip-locks, except maybe with the only man in her life. Unfortunately, Abhishek Bachchan didn’t get the memo.

Mrs Bachchan Jr. turned down a role with Karan Johar because she felt that it didn’t go with her new image. But Abhishek isn’t pulling out and will be the main man along with John Abraham and have Priyanka Chopra as his love interest. What hypocrisy! How come Abhishek can still be a male-whore but Aishwarya’s whoring days are over?

Does anyone hear ‘divorce’? Or at least ‘unhappy marriage’? I believe in equality between partners. If one person decides to act with other actresses, then that shouldn’t be an issue if the other wants to. If one of them wants to blow their cash on booze, then so can the other one! If one of them wants to wear tight leather pants…well, that one should be shot!

Here’s a photo of Aishwarya Rai/Bachchan and her hubby, Abhishek Bachchan at the promotion of something or other in Toronto… But I must ask… Why does she have to do that greeting thing every frickin’ time?! I mean the first time, it was OK she’s Indian… But now… Lady… everyone gets it… You’re Indian. Indians are nice people who like to greet other people by clapping (but kinda’ not clapping their hands). Stop it now.

You don’t see Lucy Liu bowing down and screaming, “You lie down on maassage taybul, I show you velly good time!” everytime she sees a journalist.

As you can see, I’m very well acquainted with Chinese culture.

The Catholic Secular forum has threatened to file a first information report against Bollywood actor Salman Khan for his decision to paint the famous ‘Last Supper’ scene for actress Amrita Arora.

Salman has recently taken a shine to painting, and decided to re-paint the famous Da Vinci painting, replacing the disciples with members of the Arora clan.

CSF General Secretary Joseph Dias said,

“If Khan does not offer an apology or deny the reports, we will register a case against him tomorrow,”

Pfft… I don’t know what these guys are worried about. Salman Khan sucks at all forms of art (including acting by the way). The painting will probably end up looking like a blob, surrounded by 12 other blobs.

Than Salman Khan will tear off his shirt, and proclaim himself the greatest painter since Van Gogh. Edvard Munch, you say? Who is Edvard Munch in front of the supreme talent that is Salman Khan?

Note: Actually, Salman Khan is pretty good at comedy… everything else still sucks.

Since there’s no Bollywood news worthy of reporting (Read: I’m too lazy to find it), I thought I’d stick up a screenshot from the female first website.

It seems Salman Khan isn’t as famous as we thought he was. It’s OK though. Maybe he can hang out with Linzey Lowan or Jock Nickelback.

(For a little while at least)

Sanjay Dutt, has been granted bail by the Indian Supreme Court after he had been sentenced to six years in jail for receiving guns from gangsters involved in the country’s worst bombings.

Dutt’s lawyers say the actor will be released tomorrow (Tuesday) saying,

“There is a lot of paperwork involved. He is expected to be released tomorrow,”

Dutt’s lawyers are now apparently seeking punishment for Dutt rather than jail time. While in jail, Dutt was understood to have undertaken carpentry as prison labour and was paid about half a dollar a day. He ate the frugal jail meals and shared a toilet.

…

You see! Indians know what jail is all about! Not the schmoopsie crap that Paris Hilton had.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Dutt isn’t a virgin anymore… You know what I mean! He has a kid, so unless she’s Jesus reborn… Dutt’s not a virgin. Did I mention I have a really short concentration span?

Wait… what did you think I meant?

Sameera Reddy is a do-gooder, which is great, except when she’s doing her zombie impression (above).

Her last good deed went a but awry though because she and sister Meghna were threatened by ‘goondai’ (hooligans) when they spent the day with kids of the organisation that Sameera works with. ‘Dream Homes’ supports children by giving them shelter and Sameera and Meghna had decided to get rid or some bad karma by letting it rub off on the children.

“When the children were singing the national anthem, the mob barged in and started targeting me and my sister, I am shaken and scared, I don’t know what to do. I am worried about the kids.”

Hmmm, maybe she should have kept this look, that would have scared them off real quick. Ok, Ok, I’ll stop making fun of that picture…I’m sure it was bad lighting or something -snigger-.

T

here hasn’t really been a reason to rejoice at a babies birth except my own, but I guess we can make some fuss over Upen Patel’s 26th birthday, since he doesn’t want to make a fuss. I guess by the time you’re 26, birthdays are just another day, like laundry day, except without the dirty clothes.

“I didn’t tell anyone it was my birthday. Didn’t feel the need to. So there was no way the unit would know. I finished my work and now I’m back in Mumbai.

Maybe I’ll have a small belated birthday get-together, just for close friends, “

Awww, that’s so sweet Upen, you’re not making a fuss about hitting the wrong side of the 20’s. Soon you’ll be -gasp!- 27…and then 30…and then, you’re life won’t be worth living anymore. Just joking, there’s life after 30.

You can spend it with your girlfriends…oh wait, you don’t have a girlfriend. Shaaame!

Well, not really, but if you want crass jokes and worse acting, go watch Buddha Mar Gaya (Buddha has died). But Indians aren’t very receptive of sex comedies and the movie isn’t doing so well it’s first week in the circuit.

But Rahul Rawail, the director, doesn’t make any excuses (duh, it’s not like he could go on about how terrible it was):

“I’m not making any apologies about the raunchy mood of the film, ”

“It was meant to be a sex comedy, and it is exactly that. Why are we so squeamish about sexual innuendos in our films when we have no objection to sex jokes in the American Pie movies? I enjoy watching American Pie and wanted to do something similar in Hindi. And that’s exactly what I’ve done.”

I see a lawsuit! Until I watch the movie and see how similar it is. I mean, Jason Biggs, apple pie, funny. Rakhi Sawant, necrophilia, just plain gross and stupid. I don’t get Anupam Kher, he does good roles for Yash Raj and then does crap like this. I guess he wants to get the bad acting out of his system.

Did you notice that there aren’t enough scandals involving the biggest stars? All they do is commit to not smoking and boring crap like that. Well, I’m here to give you another boring story involving another boring A-list actress who just doesn’t do anything that interesting!

Preity Zinta may be getting married, leaving many plastic-surgery-obsessives sad because they can’t get her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging her because she got some surgery done. I love surgery; the pills they give you are great, I can fly!

Ohkay, and back to the topic. Preity’s possibly impeding nuptials, with long-time boyfriend Ness Wadia, who’s biggest claim to fame is being the great grandson of Muhammed Ali Jinnah, the dude who founded Pakistan and died before seeing everyone else destroy it. Clever man…Jinnah I mean, Ness is just going to be Mr. Zinta.