SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

Some Shilpa news today...Shilpa says that she didn't break up any marriage and is having the whole cast of Celebrity Big Brother at her premier for new movie Metro. Shilpa Shetty was accused of breaking the 12-year marriage of director Anubhav Sunha, but she declares that it's not true, despite his wife Ratna blaming Shilpa for her marriage's collapse. Shilpa says:

"We are just close friends. "It's all been extremely embarrassing. I'm keeping my silence because he's going through a bad marriage.

Next, Shilpa is again wooing people outside of India by showing her forgiving side as she has invited the whole cast of Celebrity Big Brother to her latest movie premiere, even extending an invitation to Jade Goody. This could be a sign of a truce...or Shilpa's way of taking revenge. Shilpa will call Jade onto the stage, give her a big hug and then step back as pigs blood spills down on Jade's head. Yeah, yeah, it's probably a truce, but the other situation sounds so much funnier.

Um, slow news, so let's talk about how much Celina Jaitley loves water. She loves it so much that she will be endorsing a mineral water brand for...guess what? Free...nah, just joking, no-one does anything for free anymore. But she will be endorsing it for a sizable amount of cash.

"Yes, I will be endorsing a mineral water brand, and am excited but more so because I believe in it. Pure drinking water is the best for the health conscious."

Celina, did you know that more than half the mineral waters out there are filtered tap water? True fact, go google it if you don't believe me. So unless its fizzy water, I'll stick with tap, thanks. Petrol is cheaper than water now a days, and so is coke, I'd rather have that. I'd be fat, but happy.

So the wedding of the century is over and we can all continue with our pointless, sad lives. Some Abhi-Ash and Amitabh news today. It's a widely acknowledged fact that once an actress gets married, her film career takes a huge dive. Quite alot of people are of th opinion that Aishwarya should quit before the industry spits her out like a chewed up piece of gristle. I kinda don't care...Ash is jy\ust there to annoy me...her not acting would mean me not having to watch her annoying performances. Amitabh Bachchan has gone into full on public-relations recovery mode (I made that phrase up) and has apologized to the hoards of photographers outside his house, waiting for the couple to appear when they were beaten up by guards, resulting in some bruises and cuts and one photographer in hospital. Amitabh came outside and apologised to the photographer's personally, but they are still calling for legal action against the guard who hurt the photographer.

Yeah, no-one really cares about Mr and Mrs Abhishek anymore, now they’re old news. Aishwarya isn’t a glowing bride, she’s just someone’s wife. She’s gonna get fat soon and they’ll be living happily ever after. That’s how real fairytales turn out, promise. But moving on, look at the beautiful lady that was willing to die for Abhishek...It's like a real-life Romeo and Juliet...except Juliet just dies, because Romeo is out getting it on with her best friend. And in this version, Juliet's father disowned her for being ugly...for being a psycho...for skipping out on her first marraige, yeah, that's it. Doesn't make her sound too bad. Jhanvi Kapoor...aka Haya Rizvi (I wish my sources would get it right first time round, the I wouldn't be reporting wrong names like Naina Rizvi to you guys) tried to slash her wrists outside the Bachchan's home...it's all just a big publicity stunt, her father says, and her mother is just encouraging her daughter's psychosis and hoping to get her a career in Bollywood...I read somewhere that Haya was a dancer in the title song of Dus...go see if you can find a sobbing girl crouched in the corner muttering ti herself in that song...I've kinda missed it.

Saif Ali Khan seems to be getting over his break-up with Rosa by turning to his kids...or any kids for that matter. If he was Michael Jackson, this would sound a lot more disturbing. Yeah, he just talks about how he misses his kids, especially after working on set with his two midget co-stars from Ta Ra Rum Pum, the new Yash Raj films that will be coming out soon. He stars alongside Rani Mukherji and plays a family man with two young kids, who are almost the same age as his own kids, Sarah and Ibrahim.

"I really did miss Sarah and Ibrahim while shooting there. The two kids, who play Rani (Mukerji) and my children in 'Tara Rum Pum Pum', were absolutely amazing on and off camera. They were not only the same age as my own children, they even kind of resembled them! For the first time I found myself quite attached to my little co-actors. So much so that I miss them now after shooting," Saif told.

Awww, there's nothing sweeter than a dad admitting he loves his kids...did you hear that, Alec Baldwin? Go read yesterdays celebrity blog to see what I'm going on about.

After trying my hardest not to mention the AbhiAsh wedding some loser on the staff wrote an entire article on them! You can see it here That's our new features page! Here's the link

You know, there's a thing called Darwin Awards, for people who are so stupid that they kill themselves. I have a contender for this years award: Miss Naina Rizvi or Miss Jahnvi Kapoor. Yes, they are the same person. This woman is so depressed about her imaginary relationship with actor Abhishek Bachchan that she tried to commit suicide outside the actor's home yesterday, apparently anguished at the thought of Abhishek's wedding to Aishwarya. I've heard that imagination can make you believe anything, but this is going a bit too far. Anyways, there's a lot of conflicting reports out there. An interesting one is an interview with the woman's mother who insists that her daughter did have a relationship with Abhishek, her daughter was tormented that Abhishek refused to marry her and this isn't a publicity stunt. Did I mention I sleep in a bed of rainbows? And my pet unicorn's name is Horny? (Don't laugh...I said don't laugh!) If it wasn't a publicity stunt, then why didn't she just lock herself in her room and slash her wrists there like all other normal psychotic people? You think you're too good for them, Naina? Huh, do ya? This would all be even more hilarious if this story turned out to be true and Abhishek had been involved with the crazy chick. Just a pointer darling, when you want to slash your wrists, it's down the road, not across.

Yeah, yeah, the two fatties are married now, so I can write about them...seriously, every story out there in Bollywood world is about them, it's like no-one has anything better to do. Except me, I have loads of things to do...like bake cookies, and volunteer, and save the world, I have an award ceremony later on this evening...aaah, the life of a superhero. And I do all that with perfect make-up and hair, that's multi-tasking for you! There's a few stories connected to the grand wedding but the one I think is flippin' funny is the one of Rajhastan shopkeeper (who apparently resembles Abhishek) played a prank and managed to almost get into Aishwarya's high-security apartment. High security apartment my ass...It takes more than a look-a-like to get near me...you have to show your original ID, provide 2 passport-sized pictures and give a blood-sample...after they strip-search you. Yeah, I'm famous. Anyways, clever and alert nieghbours (a nice way of saying pesky and snooping) stopped the man before he could go in. So, Abhishek's look-a-like is a shopkeeper...how appropriate, he can give Abhi pointers later on when his career fails. Awww...why am I being so mean to the married couple? So let's do this properly. I'm not so proud to present to you Mr and Mrs Abhishek Bachchan. Yeah, I think that was short and sweet. Go to SantaBanta to get the whole programme and what they were wearing and all that crap. I have to write my next post about the 'Crazy Lover'.

Oh wait, I got a feeling that that's not what they meant when the article was titled "Priety Zinta Bowled over by Amitabh"...um, ok, I feel stupid...well, not really, we all make mistakes, we're all human...besides Michael Jackson of course. Anyways, Priety got to fly in Amitabh Bachchan's private jet. She was filming in Mussourie with Amitabh for her new film The Last Lear, and no, that isn't a typo. The movie is called that...it has something to do with Shakespeare, so I guess that makes sense. When going back to Mumbai, Amitabh offered her a lift.

“Mr Bachchan was kind enough to give me a ride back. He has been the most wonderful co-star I’ve ever worked with. And his command over the craft...wow”

Seriously, how cool is that? You know, I have a private jet too...I bet it's way cooler than Amitabh's...it can do stunts and it has a cool logo on the side "Tigger Airways". The only problem is that when it lands in water, it collapses into a ball of wet, papery mush. But otherwise, it's perfect!

Shah Rukh Khan seems to have lost the point of Kaun Banega Crore Pati and he's trying to turn it into a Koffee with Karan-esque gameshow...the whole point of it is to let ordinary Indian's have a go at making it big. What's the point of having rich celebrities on the show and giving them money? Shah Rukh is finishing the season off with Kareena Kapoor, Priyanka Chopra, Salman Khan and Katrina Kaif all making appearances. Here's my prediction...Salman and Katrina are kinda stupid...Ok, Katrina's stupid...ok, they'll do so bad that they'll be paying Shah Rukh. And Bebo and Priyanka? Yeah, they won't even make it through the show...Priyanka will try and answer the questions, but when its Kareena's turn, she'll answer every question with: "MY TALENT!!!". Eventually someone will explain to Kareena what the show is about and she'll pout and ask why there aren't any questions about her talent. Priyanka will enlighten Kareena of the truth behind her "talent"...and then, Fight Club 2!