SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

For all you lucky…or unlucky (depending how you see it) people out there, watch Shah Rukh Khan on Star Plus in a special Valentine’s Day Edition of “Kaun Banega Crorepati?” (Who wants to be a Millionaire?) Shah Rukh will be hosting married couple Arbaaz Khan and Malaika Arora Khan, Brother-sister pair Zoya and Farhan Akhtar and good friends Farah Khan and Karan Johar. Ummm, is it just me, or are there A LOT of Khan’s out there in Bollywood. It’s like the recipe of your success is having Khan as your surname. I should try that, never mind that I can’t act or dance to save my life, but Baby, I’m becoming a Khan! I'm a rising star! Bollywood, here I come!

So it looks like Bollywood news is just filled with Shilpa Shetty and Sanjay Dutt, neither of whom I find very appealing, but since Bomberboy won’t pay me until I write, lets talk Shilpa Shetty!!! Ok, so Shilpa Shetty got so much publicity from the alleged racism that was happening at the Big Brother house…I would feel sorry for her, but there isn’t really a point. They called her a “Paki”, she cried, Britain had a crisis, and Shilpa won, whoohoo for her. Now Shilpa met British Prime Minister Tony Blair, declared him to be a very sweet man and…yeah, what more can I say? Anyways, Shilpa’s popularity has gone sky-high…why, she’s almost as popular as me! Did I tell you people throw themselves in front of cars for me, just so I can cross the road? Shetty, being the model citizen that she is, has started a charity to create awareness of AIDS in India. Dammit, I can’t even joke about AIDS…

News is so slow today, I’m actually supposed to entertain you with news that Amitabh Bachchan, got a Rolls-Royce from Bollywood filmmaker Vidhu Vinod Chopra for acting in some film and pretend that I’m interested in it. I guess it would help if I showed some more enthusiasm. Gimme a L, gimme a U, gimme a C, gimme a K, gimme a Y, gimme a D, gimme an I, gimme a R, gimme a T, gimme a Y, gimme a O, gimme a L, gimme a D, gimme a M, gimme a A, gimme a N! What do you get? Lucky Dirty Old Man!!! Whoohoo!!! Yay!!! Bomberboy will not be amused…shit.

It’s my great honour to tell you all about a hilarious sounding incident. Salman Khan (India’s favourite not-so-much-a-heartthrob) was meant to open a shoe outlet in a Sharjah mall, but had to leave after shoe-hungry fans pushed him out of the way to get at the shoes. Seriously, that’s what happened…they started crowding in the mall at 4 am just so they could get the best shoes. I love shoes as much as the next gal, but wow, they’re just shoes…I’m sure the crowding and almost-stampede had nothing to do with Salman. I mean, who wants to see an aging Indian guy with a dubious hairline? I see those guys selling fake DVDs all the time in our Indian district.

I didn’t know Shilpa Shetty was involved in a lot of scandal, but apparently scandal follows her like a flea on pink panther. At the moment, she’s in love with a married man, who she knows she can’t have because he’s just separated and not divorced from his wife, he also has 2 kids…ummm, another reason that they can’t be together is maybe because the love of her life refuses to acknowledge that she’s anything more than an actress and friend to him…so tough luck, Shilps. Oh, and did you know her parents have connections to the Indian underworld? What a great family! What an example of the kids of India! I can just imagine the scene now…Crackling log fire, Shilpa, her boyfriend and her sister planning a threesome on the rug, and her parents quietly discussing who they’re planning to threaten next in the background…Vaah! (Wow!)

The king and prince of Bollywood are at it again, with both pointing out that the other is a has-been. Amitabh Bachchan and Shah Rukh Khan have recently had many hyped-up rivalries, which seem to have started from SRK replacing “Big-B” as the host of “Kuan Banega Crorepati?” (Who wants to be a millionaire?). Shah Rukh says

“I am sexy, smart and young. That was his century; this is mine.”

Referring to the older Bachchan. You know what I think of all this? I think Shah Rukh is kinda sexy, really stupid and not very young…Amitabh returns by saying “Let’s see what happens to him after 35 years.” I know what’s going to happen to Shah Rukh…he’ll be old, fat and poor, no one will remember him. He’ll be divorcing his 4th wife about that time and he’ll be paying alimony through his ass…Hehehe, I’m just joking all you SRK fans. In 35 years, Shah Rukh will be dead…so will Amitabh.