SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

Jade Goody, the racist Big Brother participant, has been visiting India and gave 25 000 pounds to Indian charities. Goody, infamous for her racist attacks and bullying in the Big Brother house on actress Shilpa Shetty, has been on a 4-day tour of India and insists that she isn't trying to win hearts, she's doing this for the children. That's very admirable, Jade. Now what do you want? A bloody Nobel peace prize. I don't know what this woman thinks of herself, I mean last time I made racist remarks, I made up for it by cutting myself. I felt THAT guilty! Ok, so I wasn't really trying to cut myself, I kinda got cut when I was attacking that hobo, he didn't like it that I pulled a knife on him, but that was because he LOOKED at me...you know what I mean, right? I bet you're asking whats the point, well, I have no point.

Priyanka Chopra has opened a case against her former secretary who apparently threatened her and used abusive language. Jaju, the accused, says Priyanka owes him money from a previous agreement made before she became a superstar. I can just imagine the SMS's he sent her PriyanKa, U Owe me Money. gIve Me the Money. I hATE you. I will Kill yOU if I dont Get the moniES. or Wher's MY money? U OWE ME BIGTYM! I made u DA Star That you r 2day. My money, I WANT IT Now! Money MIne.

Technically, this should be in the sports section, but it involes indian celebrities, so here I am. Indian celebrities have reminded their cricket players that doing their best is what's important in the Cricket World Cup this March. Ok, I honestly don't know what are India's chances at the WC, but lets just assume that they really suck. Are they even in the top 5 of ODI teams? Anyways, stars like Shah Rukh Khan and Priyanka Chopra wished the team all the best for the WC, and SRK says just do your best and leave the rest. Hey, that rhymes. Shah Rukh Khan should drop acting and become a poet. Seriously, poets make more money than actors, they just live simpler lives. I mean, I'm a poet, but I drive a Nissan Sentra, I could easily afford any car I want, but I like simplicity...and my car is white, the colour of purity, just like me.

To update on Saif Ali Khan, he's been released from hospital There's no reported diagnosis, but I guess he must be ok if they let him out. He was admitted with reported chest pains but him being the trooper that he is, he shook them off. Go Saif! Go Saif! Its your birthday! Ok, I'll be shutting up now. Let's hope the hottie stays well and gets a better gilfriend than tha praying mantis that he has now.

Once again, I get to make fun of Aishwarya and Abhishek. YAY! At this years Startdust Awards (The cheap and not to glitzy version of the IIFA Awards), prizes were given to Ash as the FEMALE STAR OF THE YEAR for her role as the crack-whore mastermind thief Sunehri in Dhoom 2. All I have to say to that is "What were the selectors smoking?" Ash was easily the most annoying person in that movie, she couldn't act for toffee, and just to show how "cool" she is, she decided that she should prance around half-naked and say "like" in the middle of every sentence, even if it's in Hindi...So, did you, like, like my movie? Don't you think I'm, like, so stupid? Like, I think you're right! And not to excuse Abhishek from my rant, he won an award for BEST MALE ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE for Kabhie Alvida No Kehna. Ok, I can't even make fun of him. I liked him in that role, he was a sweet husband...so, I guess I'll give Fatty a break today.

Saif Ali Khan, who was rushed to hospital with chest pains a few days ago has been told to take it easy by his mother. He is stable now, and its believed that he over-exerted himself. Mummy Sharmila Tagore said that Saif smokes alot and that has been injurious to his health.

"He smokes a lot and has to stop now, I am sure the doctors will tell him so."

I don't mean to brag about my medical knowledge, but DUH!!! Of course smoking is bad for you...I realised that at the age of 9 and I quit. Oh man, I miss it sometimes...theres nothing like the first smoke after my afternoon nap.

Fatty Fatty Boom-Boom! That's my new name for Abhishek Bachchan. I'd never discribe Abhishek as a hottie in any form, the only thing he has going for him is that he's tall, which is kinda rare in Bollywood. But did you see how pudgy he was in Dhoom2? Especially compared to the hot bod that was Hrithik? And what was up with his clothes? I mean, he dressed like a bad tourist...and I don't mean bad tourist in saying that tourists are bad people, that would be discrimination. What I mean in that he dressed like a bad stereotype of a tourists...I use big words like stereotypes...that means I'm clever, like Einstien. Oh, before my head gets too big, I should get back to my blog...umm, what was I saying? Oh, ya, Abhishek is expected to lose wieght before his empeding nuptauls...nuptuuils...nuptuels...er, wedding. Apparently, he's supposed to match with Aishwarya, meaning he's expected to look like an anorexic hooker...which is how Ash looked in Dhoom2, her supposed "Hot" role. Why is marraige such a topic today? You don't think it's a sign that I'm getting married, is it? IS IT?!?

Actor Salman Khan (age 41, real name Abdul Rashid...lol, seriously, that's his real name!) was asked about his plans for marraige after his numerous years and affairs in Bollywood. The supposed heart-throb has had a few chances at marriage, the closest being to Actress Aishwarya Rai (who is now engaged to be married to Abhishek Bachchan). He says:

"Whenever He (God) will give consent, I’ll get married. Things are not in my hand. Without His will, nothing happens. I believe that He (God) controls all of man’s decisions. I’m also waiting for his signal. I haven’t got it yet"

Ummmmm, Salman, you're 41. You're losing hair. What more signal do you need to get married? Life is not a movie-set...you are not going to hear violins or whistling or whatever the hell else is supposed to be a sign that you gotta get hooked up with a woman for life. That's a scary thought huh? Imagine getting stuck with one girl your whole life...-shudder- maybe it is better you don't get married.

Actress Celina Jaitley has started her own line of Saris, after claiming that saris are a great look for women, indian or otherwise.

"I am very fond of lace saris in particular. I think a sari is the most sensuous outfit and it flatters women like nothing else. It graces every woman irrespective of her age and marital status."

Sorry Celina, I disagree. Have you ever seen a fat woman in a sari? It's like watching Titanic except that its a woman instead of a ship. And come to think of it, how often do you see Celina in a sari? I'm sure she must wear it to premiers and stuff, but in her movies, all I see are miniskirts.

Why won't Shilpa Shetty just shut up? Yeah, she got dissed, yeah, everyone feel's bad, now SHUT UP! I'm tired of your whinging and moaning...stop telling us that you're moving on and just move on! Phew, glad I got that out of my system, and I did it so politely too. Dr. Phil says its bad to keep your feelings to yourself, so I'm just letting them out...just like how I told that girl on campus that she reminded me of J-Lo. She was getting so happy until I told het it was her butt that reminded me of J-Lo. So what that she started crying? She's one of those people that just can't handle the truth!