SoggyCornflakes - Bollywood

Do you know the ABC of safe sex? Abstain – Be Faithful – use Condoms. India has one of the highest caseload of HIV-positive people, with the majority of them being paid whores…oh, sorry, I mean prostitutes…oops, sex workers. Damn political correctness!

Ok, so Hollywood actor Richard Gere, telling the sex workers of Mumbai to refuse sex without condoms. I guess that makes sense, since prostitutes who abstain and are faithful would be pretty useless whores…I mean, imagine going up to a prostitute at a street corner and asking her how much and she says “No…I wait for marriage.” Because that’s what I do, stand at street corners and refuse sex, that’s real class right there!

Jokes aside, HIV/AIDS is a serious matter, be safe people…If you have to be a whore, be a safe whore. No, I’m not just saying that because I haven’t had sex…I could have had sex literally a million times if I wanted, that’s six 0’s people, I’m THAT hot! Guys want me, I’m telling u! They’re just can’t come close to me due to my extreme hotness. Scientists have informed me that if the sun burns out they’ll make ME the centre of the Solar system, and by scientists I mean my teddy. Because he’s White. And Whites are scientists.

To join the Afghanis, I’d like to say that the Indians are crazy too…or at least the dudes in State Transport Department (STD…hehehe, get it? If you don’t, you’re stupid, because STD’s are hilarious, unless you got them of course, because then you’re just gross, or dead…).

Ummmmm, what was I saying? Oh ya, the State Transport Department –giggle- wants to get rid of all the semi-cool stunts and fast driving that happens in Bollywood movies because of the unsafe driving and fatalities that occur when youths try to copy the stunts…so a movie like “Dhoom2” would be just Ash saying “like” every few seconds, and Hrithik would just be this buff dude who like to dress up, and would be accused of being gay. Because fast cars make people not gay…medically proven fact, believe me.

The STD is so stupid! I mean, everyone knows fast driving doesn’t kill people, death kills people. You lot have to ban death in movies, and then watch those fatality figures fall.

My friend’s brother’s friend’s uncle was gay, but then he bought a Ferrari... and now he’s totally not gay anymore…See? See? I told you so! (Although he died during the first drive…)

Another proof that Afghanis are crazy. They banned the John Abrahams’ starrer “Kabul Express” from being shown in Afghanistan, because officials feared that the minority community of Shia Hazara’s would be offended.

Ok, so here’s my not-so-humble opinion. Don’t like it, don’t watch it, simple. Why does everything have to be turned into a political drama? But the ban doesn’t stop all the ultra-cool Afghanis from getting the VHS and DVD on the black market…just like it doesn’t stop me. Did you see the subtle reference about me being cool because I bought the DVD on the black market too? Hehehe, even though I don’t live in Afghanistan, I’m with it, I got the 411…yeah, I do!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch my extra-cool fake “Kabul Express” DVD…do you have a problem with that, Afghanistan? Huh? Do ya? Do ya? I thought not!